Voice of Experience. In New Bern, N.C., applying for a marriage license, Alec Ogburn gave his age--111--and that of his bride-to-be--22--and told the wide-eyed clerk: "Don't laugh at me, lady . . . If I don't get along with her, I reckon I can get rid of her."

You Can't Win. In Astoria, Ore., Robert Hjorten and George Sullivan spotted a cop about to tag their cars for over-parking, sprinted across the street to put nickels in the parking meters and thus avoid 50-c- parking fines, were fined $1 each for jaywalking.

Dog's Life. In Hoboken, N.J., when police came to arrest James Shea, 59, for drunkenness, they learned from his wife Maria that during the last five years he had spoon-fed whisky to his three pet mongrels, incited them to bite her more than 200 times.

Budget Problem. In St. Louis, accused of sending his wife only $30 a month to live on, Railroad Worker Jesse McClinton protested that he could not possibly afford to give her more money, but got a year in jail after he asked the judge: "Who's going to pay for my car and television set?"

Point of View. In Milwaukee, on trial for drunken driving, Anton Schmalz, 62, admitted that he had been drinking Martinis "by the teacupful," but denied that he was drunk when arrested, explained that he had been forced to zigzag his car down the street "to dodge all the drunken drivers" coming at him from the opposite direction.

Routine. In Pacoima, Calif., halted by city police after a four-mile chase during which he allegedly committed 18 traffic violations (including speeding, making an illegal turn and running through a red light), Motorist William J. Stickler, 24, demanded: "What's the matter? I always drive this way."

Life with Mother. In Wichita, Kans., Wayne Huttong was granted a divorce after testifying he worked nights, and never got any sleep during the day because his wife insisted on keeping 36 pet canaries and two dogs in the bedroom.

High & Wide. In Downieville, Calif., anxious to get a county road-building job, Contractor George Miller flew over the county courthouse in a plane, dropped his bid in a weighted envelope five minutes before the deadline, but lost the contract because his bid was too high.

Justice Is Done. In Dallas, a few days after obtaining the release of Dewey Leon Hipp, jailed for drunkenness, Attorney Abe Byers asked police to rearrest his client, angrily explained: "He gave me a hot check for $30."

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