Hothead. In Leeds, England, Edna Illingworth got a divorce after testifying that her husband Richard 1) tied her up in the cellar, 2) bound her hands to a nail above her head, and 3) doused her with a bucketful of water "to cool her off."

Right Address. In Birmingham, when police nabbed Horace Coleman Wigley for stealing a $37.50 briefcase, he gave as his residence the city jail, was immediately escorted home.

Rough & Ready. In Denver, Aeron H. Clark stopped for a beer in a crowded bar, found himself beside a man and a woman, both arguing heatedly, complained that they were spilling his beer, got two black eyes.

Economy. In East Toronto, Ont., the city's board of control, with its new hockey arena nearing completion, learned that the architect, ordered to reduce costs, had eliminated the building's ice-making plant.

Liberation. In San Antonio, an anonymous couple broke into the city pound, chose two stray dogs as pets, set free more than 200 others, fled, evading pursuit.

Chain of Command. In Cleveland, William Otto, 70, got a divorce after testifying that his second wife Hulda, 61, insisted that he attend seances, told him he must obey her orders since she was getting instructions from his deceased first wife.

Clarification. In Jal, N. Mex., after police had put up a traffic sign reading: "School Zone--Don't Kill a Child," they found a postscript written in a childish scrawl: "Wait for a Teacher."

Waste of Time. In New Lexington, Ohio, thieves broke into the upstairs rooms of the Methodist Church for the fifth time in two years, for the fifth time stole the church's electric clock.

Order Obeyed. In Columbus, Ohio, Richard McGlinchey, arrested for speeding, telephoned his wife from the police station, told her to hurry down with his bond money, met her at the door, learned she had just been arrested for speeding.

Optical Illusion. In Milwaukee, Thomas Buchanan, 26, protesting in vain when police rushed him to the hospital after a tavern brawl, finally got his point across: the eye he had lost in the fight was made of glass.

Civil Servant. In Mountjoy, Ont., Wilf Perreault, fed up, resigned from his job as the town's police chief, fire warden, dogcatcher, tax collector, poundkeeper, building inspector, liquor inspector, fence viewer, cemetery inspector, weight inspector and school attendance officer.

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.