Quick Quacks

In the-dialectic of East Germany, even such standard, worldwide complaints as tuberculosis, tumors and venereal infections are dubbed "people's diseases." Now, for their control and cure, the Communist Health Ministry is readying a remedy that may be worse than the diseases themselves: "people's doctors," who are getting a quadruple-quick training course of no more than a year.

The training began last month in three centers--at Dresden, at Quedlinburg and near Pinnow on the Baltic--with about 500 students. (The ministry aimed for an enrollment of 1,000, but recruiting flopped.) Each student has been passed by an examining board which includes two doctors but is mainly concerned with the applicant's political reliability. If he (or she) can pass that test, and has had some training in nursing, it does not matter whether he ever finished high school or not.

The courses cover 1,840 hours of instructions, and a student is encouraged by the offer of cash prizes to speed up and finish in even less than a year. Somehow, he is supposed to learn anatomy, physiology, techniques of diagnosis, surgery, pharmacology, hygiene and anti-epidemic measures, basic health legislation, and the treatment of "people's diseases." Finally, there is, an 80-hour course (twice as much as physiology gets) in "social sciences" on such topics as "The Leading Role of the Soviet Union in the Battle for Saving World Peace."

The 365-day wonders are to be-loosed upon the ailing people of East Germany with full power to diagnose their illnesses, prescribe medicines, give injections and anesthetics, and perform "minor surgical operations"--including amputations.

The job of teaching the quick quacks has fallen upon real doctors who are already overworked, harassed by political interference, and desperate for equipment, supplies and drugs. Some doctors discouraged applicants for the courses. Said one, of a male nurse who asked his advice: "He gave up the idea fast. I told him, 'Why, man, you have an honorable job now, and everybody recognizes your usefulness. What's the sense of studying for a job that will leave you neither fish nor fowl?'

Another, who perforce teaches the quickie courses, said: "They can pass the exams if they learn their political lessons. But what they really have to learn can't be taught in a year. I feel sorry for them. Wait until, alone and unassisted, they have to face their first patients." He might have felt sorry for their patients, too.

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