Steering Committee. In Cheboygan, Mich., the town fathers solemnly passed an ordinance calling for a $5 fine on any motorist caught driving with a woman on his lap.

Cold Outside. In Juneau, Alaska, Mrs. Matthew Wilson reported that she had seen neither hide nor hair of her husband since he strolled naked from their home, saying: "Where I'm going, I won't need any clothes."

One for the Money. In New Haven, Conn., after she was put on probation for altering a $10 state welfare check to read $110, Connie Gianelli was charged with kiting a $110 state welfare check to $1,110 in order to make good on the first check.

Bad Dream. In Detroit, soon after a passenger announced that this was "a stickup" and told him to "keep on going," Cab Driver Arthur Stevens noticed that his fare had dozed off, kept on going to the police station.

Squeeze Play. In San Fernando, Calif., Jean Connors got a gift-wrapped, 4-ft. boa constrictor from her boy friend, who explained: "I wanted to give her something different."

Salt in the Wound. In Defiance, Ohio, Richard A. McClure, 20, tried to commit suicide, winged himself in the shoulder, drew a $25 fine and a suspended 30-day sentence for discharging a firearm within the city limits.

Wage & Hour Act. In Indianapolis, thieves who broke into the Githens Cabinet Co. plant punched in on a time clock at 10:26 p.m., gathered $1,500 worth of tools and $10 cash, punched out at 11 :19 p.m.

Night Entrance. In Scranton, Pa., after being turned away from a saloon that was closed for the night, Francis J. Mann got in by ramming it twice with his car, thus demolishing 1) the front door, 2) a clutch of cuspidors, 3) half the bar.

Curb Service. In Chicago, Detective Andrew Stryzinski rushed into a drugstore to check a robbery report, was promptly disarmed and laid low by three crooks, who departed with $168 and his car.

Dead Certain. In London, the Funeral Workers' Journal wished its subscribers the very best for 1953, added: "During the year we have achieved further successes. The new year will provide opportunities for further advances."

Victim. In Mineola, L.I., Dennis Mc-Knight, arrested for drunk driving, was held in $500 bail after he told the judge that two men had held him up, taken his wallet, forcibly plied him with so much whisky that he couldn't remember what they looked like or where it all happened.

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