Strictly Private. In Manhattan, self-styled Private Detective Emil Laguardia (no kin to the late Fiorello) hired himself out to protect a payroll messenger, was later charged by police with stealing the payroll.

Once Removed. In Detroit, Mrs. Stella Mrozowski filed suit against a local doctor, complained that when she went to the hospital to have an injured hand treated, she was whisked into the operating room where he removed her gall bladder.

Reader Saturation. In Norwood, Ohio, when a newspaper's Addressograph machine plate got stuck, Gus Merland received five mail bags (2,000 copies) of the Ohio Tavern News.

The Last Word. In Cincinnati, after a domestic quarrel, William Welsh drove his auto on to a railroad track, parked it, got out and watched as a train smashed it to bits, then muttered: "That's the last time my wife will ever ask me to drive her to work."

Road Test. In Fitchburg, Mass., police announced that people suspected of drunken driving would be hauled forthwith into headquarters, required to say: "Around the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran."

Conversation Piece. In Sunderland, England, after Mrs. Mary Scott hit a male friend over the head with a claw hammer while having a few drinks in a hotel, she explained to the court where she got her weapon: "I had it in my hand all the time ... I always carry it in case of emergencies."

Before the Facts. In Sunbury, England, the town council warned that in the town's beauty-queen contest next June, "entrants will be disqualified if they wear false aids calculated to mislead the judges."

Neither Snow, nor Rain ... In Adrian, Mich., a postcard was successfully delivered with the following address: "Mr. Ezra Nathan Daniels and his wife Ellen, who used to be Frank Taub's daughter from over by Deerfield and then moved up by Stamm's gravel pit on Uncle Hal's farm. The name is still on the barn and they have some puppies to give away. They belonged to the boys Phillip, age 10; Gary, 2, and little Dawn who isn't so very old. If Ezra isn't around there, just put the card in the mailbox. He is probably playing around with that cussed chain saw."

Old Refrain. In Jackson, Miss., the state supreme court upheld the three-year prison sentence of Huddie Hall, convicted of the dance-hall shooting of a man who persisted in playing The Tennessee Waltz on the jukebox.

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.