Dark Victory. In Detroit, high-school Football Player Alex Jones knocked himself out crashing head first into a steel post, later groggily explained: "I run faster with my eyes shut."

The Vienna Woods. In Vienna, police urged the city council to modernize the lighting system of the city parks, as "dangers to security and refuges for criminals," but the council refused, on the grounds that Vienna woodlands are "idyllic islands of romance and seclusion."

On Call. In Brooklyn, Stanley Cohen told police he received a phone tip that his hardware store was being robbed, rushed down to investigate, was met by two men who forced him to open the safe and took $624.

The People's Will. In Waco, Texas, Psychiatrist John E. Talley explained why people vote: "You don't vote for the man you think can win. You vote for the man you think can defeat the man you want to lose."

Check, Please. In Montgomery, Ala., a jury ordered Restaurateur Mike Miaoulis to pay $4,542 damages to a friend whose ear lobe he had bitten off in a fight.

Set-Two. In Beverly Hills, Calif., Twins Charlotte and Georgia Steeves both fractured their left elbows, put on similar casts, commented: "Sometimes we think we carry this twin thing too far."

The Mixture as Before. In Toronto, after a three-year separation, Bertrian Guilbault met with his wife for a reconciliation talk, gave her a broken nose, told arresting police: "It didn't work."

Supply & Demand. In Toledo, arrested for stealing several outboard motors, John C. Elrod and Robert W. Clark confessed that they had stolen one, sold it, stolen it, sold it, stolen it.

Object Lesson. In Ann Arbor, Mich., after giving his University of Michigan R.O.T.C. class a talk on "Safety with Firearms," Edward S. Patterson accidentally shot himself in the arm.

Type Casting. In Louisville, City Medical Examiner Dr. S. J. Brownstein reported that nearly half of Louisville's 499 policemen are flatfooted.

Tall Tail. In Maysville, Ky., Dr. C. F.

Kilgus, fishing along a tree-fringed lake, gave his line a mighty cast, reeled in a squirrel.

Family Ties. In Chicago, 88-year-old Joseph H. Hammer, asking police to help him find his sister whom he hadn't seen since 1881, explained: "I'm getting along in years, and I figured it was time to look her up."

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