Weather or Not. In Montgomery, Ala., Dr. Vernon Johns, pastor of the Dexter Avenue Baptist Church, announced church services with a newspaper ad: "Beat the heat for God. Brave a reasonable amount of heat now instead of risking too much hereafter."

Ceiling Zero. In Pittsfield, Me., when his small plane went into a spin, Pilot Albert F. Mace, 37, plunged through the roof of his house and into the attic, stepped out of the wreckage slightly bruised.

Wearing of the Green. In St. Louis, the Euclid-West Pine flower shop displayed a sign: "We positively guarantee that all of our flowers have chlorophyll."

The Weaker Sex. In London, the National Vigilance Association disbanded its patrols designed to protect young women from strangers in railroad stations, solemnly announced: ''Today it's the young men who need protecting and looking after."

Roadbed. In Hudson, N.Y., Jordan Brown, 41, caused a New York Central passenger train to screech to an emergency stop when he was seen lying across the tracks, told inquiring police: "I just got tired and thought it was time for me to go to sleep."

Machine Age. In Toledo, Detective Harry Peterson arrived from Detroit to pick up a prisoner, explained that the car he was driving was not city property, but his own Stanley Steamer.

Wet Blanket. In Passaic, N.J., Mrs. Louis Miller sued her husband for divorce on grounds that he objected to her daily hot showers, complained to her: "You should have married a millionaire or somebody who owns a gas company."

Home Wave. In Springfield, Mass., while Antonio Giannetti was showing off his new air-conditioning system to customers during a heat wave, his barbershop got so cold that a thermostat turned on the radiators.

Better Late. In Albuquerque, police were warned to be on the lookout for two escapees from the Arkansas state penitentiary: Frank Duke, 42, who made off in 1934, and Jim Freeman, 71, who turned the trick in 1923.

Credit Rating. In Central Falls, R.I., when an irate burglar found no money in John Marks's store, he left a hastily scribbled note: "What! Are you bankrupt?"

Beyond the Call. In Sacramento, after being bothered for four years by a rash which hospitalized him four different times, Staff Sergeant Donald W. Arrington took his pre-discharge physical examination, learned that he is allergic to khaki.

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