Incorruptible. In Chicago, bracing himself for this summer's national political conventions, Traffic Police Chief Michael Ahern advised his 1,100 cops to avoid calling delegates "Bud" or "Chum."

Live Wire. In Christchurch, New Zealand, haled into court on a charge of using foul language to a telephone operator, an angry subscriber countercharged that the girl "just laughed and laughed" after he obliged her by spelling his name: Montmorency de Villiers.

Brief Encounter. In Toledo. Private Doris Lee Reffitt, 23, arrested for being AWOL from Camp Lejeune, N.C., calmly told police that she joined the Marines only to spite her boy friend, and "quit" when they made up.

Acceptance. In Toronto, Haberdasher Abraham Goody, announcing a sale of men's pants, hung out a sign: "Grab Them While They Last," was shortly thereafter tied up by two men who escaped with 100 pairs and $68.

The Pinch. In Cincinnati, Mrs. Roger A. Phillips got a divorce after telling the judge that "the only thing my husband bought for me in all our married life was a pair of shoes--and they hurt."

Duress Occasion. In London. Robert McNally was able to get his marriage annulled after testifying that his beloved had grabbed his best shirt and soaked it in a bathtub until he promised to go through with the wedding.

House Guest. In Newport News, Va., Bobby Aycock, 42, turned over to police by a married couple who came home and found him asleep in their bed, explained: "I guess I lost my way. I normally sleep about eight blocks farther uptown."

Poor Man's Appetite. In Milwaukee, Ralph Buchanan broke into a tavern at dawn, got hot lifting bottles of champagne out of a wine-cellar window, decided to have a quick beer, was still searching for a bottle-opener when cops came.

Package Deal. In Salina. Kans., a prowler stole $20 worth of fishing poles and reels from Claude W. Peters' garage, then borrowed a spade and dug for worms in Peters' backyard.

Resistance Movement. In Pittsburgh, after charging in his divorce suit that his wife Celia 1) put broken glass in his bed, 2) hid his car keys and let the air out of his tires, 3) beat him with her shoes. 4) threatened to poison him, 5) was more trying, all in all, than the Iwo Jima campaign had been, Marine Veteran George Bushmire summed it all up: "She didn't cooperate in making our marriage work."

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