One Touch of Fantasy

Scripps-Howard Columnist Robert Ruark heard about the discovery of 20 barrels of moonshine whisky on Bernard Baruch's South Carolina plantation, and thought he saw a chance to turn on a little fantasy for his readers.

"Who can say me nay if I suggest that B. M. Baruch, elder statesman, has come to be B.M.B., elder bootlegger? I have known Mister Bernie for quite a spell . . . he is still a veritable devil with the girls, and . . . completely without probity when he describes his ability at shooting quail, and I know for sure he cheats at Canasta . . . Mr. Baruch's favorite statement, which he started using on President Wilson and has not abandoned since, is: 'What are the facts?' I hang him with his own slogan. 'What are the facts, Mr. Baruch? How did the booze get in your own backyard?'"

Baruch was not amused, angrily wired Old Friend Ruark that their friendship was ended. Three days later, Humorist Ruark covered the course again, this time on hands & knees. "You see a man today," he wrote, "hip-deep in personal apology for one of those transgressions in judgment, I guess, where you hurt feelings unwittingly and people you love get mad at you. I undertook to kid [Baruch] a little and wound up crouched 'way back in his personal doghouse. I thought it exceedingly funny that somebody had snuck onto his properties . . . and started a liquor still ... I guess there are times when your sense of humor gets so keen that you can fall down and stab yourself on it... My boss man has spent the last 30 years . . . hollering that subtlety is not a commodity to practice in newspapers ... I think I may have to concede finally that he was right."

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