Beginner's Luck. In Detroit, a jury awarded $3,500 damages and $3,645 for expenses and doctor bills to Mrs. Theresa Schnepf, 54, who broke her arm while taking a lesson in jitterbug dancing.

Special Audience. In Buffalo, censoring his prisoners' outgoing letters, Acting Assistant Jailer Harry Leech came across one reading, "Honey, I am writing this slow because I know you can't read fast."

Pioneer. In Passaic, N.J., acting on a complaint from a downstairs tenant, a judge ordered Antonio Caruso to find some time other than the middle of the night for chopping wood in his living room.

Preventive War. In Dallas, a temperamental husband told the court why he stabbed his wife twelve times in the head and fractured her skull with a sledge hammer: "My wife is cranky when the weather is bad. So when the weather looked threatening, I hit her . . ."

Higher Values. In San Diego, Clair W. Burgener ran an advertisement in the "Lost and Found" column of the Union-Tribune: "Tan leather wallet . . . contained pictures, personal papers and $350 currency. Finder may keep the pictures, the personal papers and the wallet, but I have a sentimental attachment to the money."

Qualification. In Minneapolis, a "help wanted" advertisement appeared in the Sunday Tribune: "Assistant to manager in bowling establishment. . . This is most enjoyable work and pays top wages to man who has following qualifications: Must be fairly honest . . ."

Favoritism. In London, Mrs. Beatrice Souter won a divorce after testifying that her husband, among other things, once fed his mother-in-law's breakfast to the family dog.

Curtain Raiser. In Fairbanks, Alaska, to drum up more customers for his boxing matches, Promoter Johnny Homethko announced that a stripteaser would perform before each match.

Answer. In Manhattan, during a sermon entitled "Who's a Thief?" at the John Hall Memorial Presbyterian Church, a thief lifted $10 from the purse of the choir's soprano soloist.

Inflation Hedge. In Seattle, a thief broke into the Pacific National Bank, lifted cigarettes and candy from the vending machines, left the money untouched.

Cricket on the Hearth. In San Francisco, Mrs. Anna Sosnovsky won a divorce after testifying that her husband, who is retired and has no reason to get up early, woke her up with a singing teakettle at 5 a.m. daily.

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