Patientship

British Humorist Stephen Potter introduced a new approach to sport with his 1947 book, Gamesmanship: the Art of Winning at Games Without Actually Cheating (TIME, Sept. 6, 1948). Since then, he has applied his subtle new strategy to other departments (e.g., Guestmanship) in the never-ending game of life. Last week in Britain's learned medical journal, the Lancet, Philosopher Potter considered some likely gambits in the ancient game of Doctor v. Patient.

In this conflict, of course, the doctor always has the advantage of his specialized knowledge. "An intensely annoying ploy [gambit] often used by doctors," writes Potter, "is to treat Patient not only as if he knew nothing about medicine, but as if he were as ignorant of all anatomical knowledge as a child of four. Doctor will start, for instance, speaking very slowly, with 'you see, the heart is a sort of pump,' and will then imitate the action of a pump, unrecognizably, with his hands. Or he will refer to the blood corpuscles as 'the white fellows and the red chaps.' Alternately ... he will give totally unnecessary technical names and then explain them--e.g., 'That mild rhinitis of yours; sniffles to you.' Most annoying of all, when examining the lady patient on the regularity of her stools, he will inquire, 'How are the bow-wows this morning?' "

This is "an extremely difficult ploy to counter," but the tables can be turned by a patient who replies with some hauteur, "They appear rather steatorrhoeic to me."

Another useful ploy for the patient "consists of playing on Doctor's fear of seeming [to claim] medical qualifications which he does not in fact possess." Suppose, for example, the doctor suggests that some ailment may be psychological in origin. "Oh, Doctor," the patient may reply, "I had no idea that was one of your subjects. I've always wanted a good psychotherapist." Follow up the advantage promptly, urges Potter: "Refuse to take in the doctor's worried assurance that he is not a trained psychiatrist. Make it appear that you are going to tell your friends to come to him for his 'marvelous cures.' "

In some cases, says Potter, the really adroit patient can put his doctor at a disadvantage right at the start by "throwing doubt on the very term doctor." For example, "I am, I suppose, right in calling you Doctor" works wonders.

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