No Exit. In Baltimore, Richard Mobely, caught by police in a holdup attempt, explained: "I was trying to raise enough money to get a divorce."

Two Times Two. In Syracuse, N.Y., the city council pondered a department head's memorandum on the city administration's budgetary problems: "The decrease in departments showing a decrease is increased by the amount of wage increases and the increase in departments showing an increase is reduced by the amount of wage increases."

Everything But. . . In Covington, Ky., a judge hearing a property-settlement case awarded the husband the house and the wife the household goods, but ruled that, since it was attached to the house, the husband was entitled to the kitchen sink.

Lost Generation. In Hamilton, Ont., the No. 7 Central Hamilton Branch of the Canadian Legion prepared invitations to its children's party, included an obliging provision: "Members with no children are invited to bring two grandchildren."

Clue. In Phoenix, Ariz., police caught up with Louis Edward Herman, who, before walking out of a pawnshop with a stolen diamond ring, examined a typewriter and absentmindedly pecked out his full name.

Under-the-Counter Subsidy. In Toronto, Mrs. Greta Longenotti's former employer, a florist, charged that she stole $3,388 from him, used it to open a rival flower shop.

Crossfire. In Bangkok, a stickup man nabbed by a victim explained to police that he used a toy pistol instead of a real one because his boss had given him strict orders not to hurt anybody.

Undercover Men. In Ballston Spa, N.Y., sheriff's deputies arrested four strangers whom villagers considered "suspicious-looking," released them when they identified themselves as Internal Revenue agents looking for an illegal still.

Fare Enough. In Chicago, Hudson Dealer Jim Moran, who had been advertising that he would pay any prospective customer's transportation to his showroom, got a taker, shelled out $708 to Bernard J. Menth for a plane ticket from Sydney, Australia.

Sellers' Market. In Washington, D.C., a congressional subcommittee found that it had cost the Department of the Interior approximately $13.89 to buy one 50-c- copy of a current issue of Esquire magazine.

Diehard. In El Paso, a vagrant gave his name as Adolf Hitler, but was booked under the name he had used in signing a local motel register--Heinrich Himmler.

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.