Treadmill. In Brantford, Ont., William J. Farr admitted stealing $24, explained that he needed the money to pay the court costs of a previous conviction.

Bare Essential. In Atlantic City, N.J., an advertiser offered to let a modern, two-story house for $40 a month, made only one stipulation: "Tenants must live in accordance with American Sunbathers Association requirements."

Lost Chords. In Los Angeles, Jacqueline Sisson, suing her hairdresser, declared that scalp burns suffered while getting her hair done had "impaired, retarded and affected her psychic powers to read musical tunes in the minds of her audience."

Above Suspicion. In Clovis, N. Mex., the Bar Association of bone-dry Curry County, hoping to eliminate any possibility of misunderstanding, met to discuss a proposal that the association's name be changed to Lawyers' Club.

Stopgab. In Chattanooga, Ella Johnson explained why she had stabbed her husband: "He talks too much."

One Man's Meat ... In Annapolis, Md., members of the Maryland Turkey Producers Association met to talk over ways & means of making the public turkey-conscious, sat down to a lunch of veal cutlets.

One Man's Family. In Toronto, William Bray, arrested for beating up a total stranger, explained to police that he got the wrong address: "I was looking for one of my wife's relatives."

. . . Into the Frying Pan. In Long Island City, N.Y., Salvatore La Scala was acquitted of robbery on an alibi: at the time of the robbery he was in Brooklyn running errands for his employer, a bookie.

Ill Windfall. In Honolulu, the Better Business Bureau revealed that at least four imitation checks (face value: $134.95; cash value: $0.00), issued by a union as promotion material had been cashed.

Now Hear This ... In Pelham, N.Y., School Superintendent William W. Fairclough refused to accept a salary boost of $3,100 a year, insisted that he was already well-paid.

Brief Encounter. In Dallas, Mrs. Minnie E. Cope won the Texas State Fair's husband-calling contest, explained her technique: "I just imagine he's an hour late for supper and I have spied him talking to a pretty woman."

Private Enterprise. In Little Rock, Ark., Will Hersey admitted having bootleg whisky in his possession, but insisted that he never sold a drop: "I love it too well myself."

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