Transfer, Please. In Glasgow, Scotland, John 'Symington quit his job as a streetcar conductor to join the units being formed for service in Korea because "I don't think the North Koreans can be any more offensive than some of the Glasgow public."

Sound Effects. In Perth Amboy, N.J., police raced to an apartment house to find out why half a dozen tenants' doorbells were all ringing at once, found a young man kissing his girl friend goodnight as she leaned against the bell buttons.

Emergency Supplies. In San Jose, Calif., Mrs. Olga Muse filed suit against her ex-husband Joseph to recover 14 cans of fish, one elastic stocking, five boots, one crystal ball.

The Vanishing American. In Brooklyn, Mrs. George Hagopian, appearing in court to protest against the elevator service in her apartment building, testified that when she complained to the elevator operator, Chief Reindeer, he replied: "This is my country. You leave."

Bulldog Breed. In Romford, England, Queenie Swain, eliminated in the finals of a beauty contest, was fined -L-2 for biting Rosina Jones, the winner.

Well, You See, Judge ... In Vancouver, B.C., Robert Merkle was sentenced to a year in jail for breaking into a cafe, despite his contention that he I) stumbled against the window, smashing two panes; 2.) entered "to leave my name and address"; 3) "was looking in the till for a pencil" when caught. In Chicago, John Moore, charged with trying to filch a policeman's wallet, explained: "I was sleepy, and my hand just kept moving toward his pocket."

Matter of Principle. In Ardmore, Okla., a recount of votes in a state runoff election turned up the ballot of a Carter County voter who, instead of marking an "x" beside one of the candidates' names, had written "phooey" beside both.

Cold Cash. In Yonkers, N.Y., a thief broke into the Elm Superette Market, stole the $8 he found in the cash register and the $263 he found in the refrigerator.

Lady for a Day. In Beeston, England, when none of the local girls' mothers would let them take the part, the council selected Dennis Harratt, a 27-year-old railway clerk, to play Lady Godiva (in tights) in the town pageant.

In Dubious Battle. In Oklahoma City, Mildred Patrick, arrested with two U.S. Army privates on a charge of firing a shotgun within the city limits, explained: "I was orienting the boys for the big fight."

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