Old Doc Gubbins

Nat Gubbins is a deceptively shy, pink-faced man who has a definitely tough sense of humor; he is Britain's most popular Sunday columnist. Every week he defends his title in Lord Beaverbrook's Sunday Express. Last week Columnist Gubbins paid his respects to the doctors who write medical advice for newspapers:

"Among the many doctor columnists now writing for the newspapers, who is the public's favorite?

"Why, the old original Dr. Gubbins. ace quack of Fleet Street. Here are two of his replies to readers with just enough strength to hold a pen.

' 'I wake in the morning with pains in the back. I go to bed with pains in the stomach. All day long I have pains in the chest. When I eat anything I come out in a rash. When I don't I feel sick. What can you do for me?'

"If I were a vet I would suggest you ought to be destroyed. As it is, I can only suggest that you climb Nelson's Monument and jump into Trafalgar Square. That is, if your back doesn't hurt too much.

" 'Every time I think of the boy I love I have a fit of sneezing, although I never have a cold. What shall I do, doctor?'

"Although this is hardly a doctor's problem, I offer this advice for what it's worth. "You can either stop thinking of the boy you love or stuff your nostrils with blotting paper.

"If you sneeze, then you will either kill his love by shooting wads of blotting paper at him or, if the paper stands the strain, air pressure inside your head will blow your brains out.

"Perhaps this might be the best end to a romance which would never last beyond an unusual honeymoon."

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