Judge Not. In Caracas, Venezuela, the nationwide drive to stamp out illiteracy got off to a good start when the director of justice fired two judges who could neither read nor write.

Vox Populi. In Mankato, Minn., Mrs. Shirley Moore got a 90-day suspended sentence and a fine of $108.50--the exact amount it cost the telephone company to trace the 630 calls she had made to the sheriff's office to give him a big Bronx cheer.

Payment Deferred. In Greensboro, N.C., Hotel Manager J. L. O'Ferrell received 75-c- with a letter: "Some 20 or 30 years [ago] I carried away one of your towels. Please forgive me."

Time Out. In Massillon, Ohio, City Auditor Edgar L. Lash gave an explanation of why he had turned down a minor expenditure for the local fire department: "There should be a fireman on duty 24 hours a day [and] I see no reason for an alarm clock . . ."

Fifth Column. In Hackensack, N.J., the meeting of the Bergen County Republican Committee was well under way when a dozen delegates got up and apologized for having blundered into the wrong room, sheepishly moved next door to the Democratic meeting.

Lover's Choice. In Detroit, Mrs. Patricia J. Stephens won a divorce after testifying that her husband thought "it was very funny to kiss the dog, give me a pat on the head and walk out the door." In San Jose, Calif., the court granted Mrs. Marcia Lightner a divorce when she quoted her husband as saying "I love [my] horse more than any human in the world."

House Beautiful. In Oklahoma City, Police Chief L. J. Hilbert hoped that his prisoners would "be more contented" as soon as he got that blinding red paint off the walls of the jail, replaced it with some creamy whites, restful greens and pastel blues.

Natural Causes. In Winnipeg, Man., when a motorist complained that his Ford screeched like a cat, Mechanic Ivan Booth lifted up the car hood, found a badly frightened cat perched on the battery.

Clue. In Seminole, Okla., police anticipated no trouble in running down Max Skinner, wanted for passing a bad check: he has a skull & crossbones tattooed on his forehead.

Love Story. In Miami, Harold E.Adkins, charged with stealing $40 from Lilly McCoy, won a dismissal when he announced: "We're married. We fell in love while she was trying to get me to return the money."

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