The Fuller Explanation

Delivering himself of a few observations on the state of the world, globetrotting Publisher Robert R. ("Bertie") McCormick told the Overseas Press Club in Manhattan that 1) Egypt's favorite drink is called a Suffering Bastard; 2) the only press censorship is in Egypt, and Egypt's high-living King Farouk "needs it"; 3) the family affairs of Rita Hayworth and Ingrid Bergman have caused very little comment, "but as far as I went I couldn't get away from [Tennis Player] Gussie Moron's panties."

Appearing on a radio program in Madrid with a British chemistry professor, visiting Cinemactress Ava Gardner was caught scriptless for once. "Professor," Ava began brightly, "tell me about science." Replied the elderly professor: "Miss Gardner, perhaps you might tell me something about love."

During a speech in bone-dry Oklahoma, Vice President Alben Berkley paused, eyed a glass of water skeptically, then handed it back with a firm but courteous answer: "I appreciate that very much, but I'm from Kentucky."

Clad in a gold-colored silk sari, Dr. Sushila Nayar, disciple and personal physician to the late Mohandas K. Gandhi, carried the Mahatma's gospel all the way to Dallas: "If every Texan would adopt a policy of nonviolence, there would be no new problems."

Comedienne Gracie ("The Biggest Aspidistra in the World") Fields sadly noted that the old songs don't satisfy the public any more. "People are getting a bit too dirty," she said. "People want sophisticated songs."

Arriving from France to be treated at Boston's Jewish Memorial Hospital, Raoul Dufy, 72, famed left-handed painter of gay race-track and beach scenes, admitted that "art and arthritis are the two most important things in my life. I must try to prevent one from killing the other."

Now busily making westerns, Cinemactress Sally (Bad Girl) Eilers complained that everyone in Hollywood "has become society-conscious. That trend started when Elsa Maxwell came out here to give parties and when people like Darryl Zanuck and Jack Warner hobnobbed with international society on the Riviera:"

"He's an okay guy with a wonderful, thoughtful disposition," burbled Songstress Georgeanne ("Gigi") Durston, 22, but her romance with Elliott Roosevelt, 39, was "all over--as of today ... I have decided that Elliott and I simply could not make a go of married life."

The Old Gang

It was a busy week for Britain's royal family. Queen Mary ventured forth to the theater for the first time this year and King George, Queen Elizabeth and Princess Margaret visited Stratford-on-Avon for the Shakespeare birthday celebrations. Backstage, the King noticed that the Order of the Garter had been improperly laid out on Actor Anthony Quayle's Henry VIII costume. Sitting down on the couch, he told Quayle to roll up his trouser legs, fitted it on correctly with his own hands. Meanwhile Princess Elizabeth was also celebrating a birthday--her 24th--with the Duke of Edinburgh, on duty with the British Fleet at Malta. In the midst of the festivities, the party almost broke up when planes from the U.S. carrier Midway started a live-bombing practice raid on a nearby island.

Protocol experts in the Siamese government wondered whether Phumiphon Adundet should sign the marriage register as "government official" or "King" when he weds Princess Sirikit. Finally they worked out a compromise: Phumiphon will be described as "ruler of the country."

Pleased as punch with his gift copy of The Life and Times of the Shmoo and an assortment of shmoo toys, Emperor Hirohito's brother, Prince Chichibu, sat right down and wrote Cartoonist Al Capp a little thank-you note: "I, as a shmoo fan, was awfully delighted at seeing various activities of shmoo and its actual figure. The kigmy, I think, is too marvelous and the most useful creature in our human society . . . Long Live Li'l Abner!"

The Road Ahead

Mack Sennett, 66, aging chief of the Keystone Cops, was finishing his first novel. Ingredients: the same old "gags, pie throwing and so on, hung on the theme of a story." Title: The Quince ("You know, the sour fruit on the family tree").

After two months of studying U.S. pedagogy, Count Felix von Luckner, famed German sea raider of World War I, set sail for Germany, where he will help teach democracy to the kinder. The count's parting observation: "You know, I love America."

Retired Marine Brigadier General James P. S. Devereux, hero of Wake Island, established a beachhead against Maryland's Democratic Representative William P. Bolton by announcing his candidacy for the Republican nomination.

Tipped off by his 20-year-old grandson, Walfredo, touring Maestro Arturo Toscanini, 83, surprised a cheering, stomping Richmond audience of 5,000 with a virtuoso performance of Dixie. What did the world's greatest conductor think of the song? Said Toscanini: "Very exciting."

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