What, No Sherry Cow?

If I had a cow that gave such milk I'd dress her in the finest silk, Feed her on the choicest hay, And milk her 40 times a day!

Ever since the 17th Century, Britons have drunk a sherry called "Bristol Milk." Samuel Pepys wrote in its praise. The entry in his diary of June 13, 1668 reads: ". . . and did give us good entertainment of strawberries, a whole venison-pasty, cold, and plenty of brave wine, and above all, Bristol milk."

But John Harvey & Sons, makers of Bristol Milk and a better sherry called Bristol Cream, never got around to registering the trademark of their mellow product. Recently, intending to enter the U.S. market on a larger scale, Harvey's finally applied to the British Food Ministry for a registration certificate protecting the Bristol Milk label.

"You are doubtless aware," replied the Ministry gravely, "that Regulation No. 1 of the Defense Regulations [covering sales of food] makes it an offense to mislead as to the nature, substance and quality of a food, or in particular as to its nutritional or dietary value. In the Ministry's opinion, the use of the word 'milk' might be held to contravene the said regulation on the grounds that this indicates the presence of milk, and as such suggests that the wine has certain special nutritive qualities. We advise you to omit the word 'milk' from the trademark and replace it by a word not open to objection under the regulations."

Harvey's retorted, dead pan, that the change in the well-known name might cut down sales in dollar countries. Someone in the Food Ministry recognized the boner, and last week the advice was withdrawn. Said a contrite Ministry spokesman: "Nobody but an imbecile would connect sherry with the product of a cow."

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