Hearth & Home. In Santa Rosa, Calif., Mrs. Irene Wells explained to authorities why she had allowed her bigamous husband to bring his 15-year-old "bride" into their house: "I didn't think it would last." In Toledo, a housewife tried to explain her motive for clouting her husband over he head: "I was frying eggs and all of a sudden I wondered what would happen if I hit my husband with the skillet . . ." In Hollywood, Beverly Mitchell got a divorce after she charged that her husband left her alone with the company and went off to his room to play with his electric trains.

Long Shot. In Philadelphia, several days, after Bernard Goodis had lost a full ($32) wallet, he got it back empty in the mail, with a note: "I put your money on a horse; if it pays off I will return your $32."

Well Out of It. In Dunn, N.C., Defeated Candidate George W. Williams placed an ad in the local newspaper congratulating the winners and thanking those who did not vote for him in the municipal elections: he had just learned "how badly the town is in debt."

Retreat. In San Diego, William Springer, awaiting trial on a charge of theft, observed that, since he never got lonely in jail, he would like to spend the rest of his life there "with one afternoon off a week for shopping."

Quiet, Please. In Monrovia, Calif., the city council silenced the 9 p.m. curfew whistle after some 20 years, explained that too many residents complained that it woke them up.

Cold War. In Baton Rouge, La., an ice company complained to police that a dismissed iceman was continuing to patrol his old route, reversing the signs on housewives' windows to read: "No Ice Today."

The Criminal Mind. In Chula Vista, Calif., Mrs. Vincent Stewart told police that the six pairs of shoes stolen from her home were all returned the following day, newly shined.

Sedative. In Seattle, Richard Ace Brundage, onetime volunteer fireman, confessed to setting four fires because "when the siren blows it seems to calm my nerves."

Silent Partner. In Boston, Ventriloquist James Johnson, on trial for deserting his wife, was told by the judge: "You must choose between your wife and the dummy"; promptly chose the dummy.

Zealot. In Lynn, Mass., Richard Deland, who had been sentenced to jail and then put on probation for breaking into Pennyworth's Clothing Store, was caught by police next day breaking into Pennyworth's Clothing Store.

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