Of Fools & Duels

A liveried flunky discreetly roused dapper, white-haired Ramon Serrano Suner from his siesta. "Two gentlemen to see you, sir, on a most urgent matter."

Spain's ex-Foreign Minister and onetime heir-apparent to his brother-in-law, Francisco Franco, rose with leisurely languor from a red velvet couch, adjusted his gray silk tie, sauntered into his studio to receive the unexpected callers. Solemn of mien, in dark blue suits and black ties, the two senors coldly declined to sit. One thrust forward a blue-bound book with the bright yellow title--Press Mission in Spain. "Have you seen this book?" he asked with menace in his tone.

Serrano paled, stuttered: "What's the use of censorship in Spain? How did that book get here?" "In this book," the grim inquisitor continued, "the writer says you made some very rude comments about a friend of ours . . ." Serrano, recovering poise, interrupted: ". . . and of mine." "Our friend, Sancho Davila," said the visitor, "has sent us to see that you either retract and apologize or else. We give you exactly 24 hours to make your decision."

A Good Scare. Serrano wilted again. "Now wait. Let's talk sensibly. You know what reporters are. Absolute misunderstanding. I had no intention of insulting our good friend Sancho . . ." The stern senors merely bowed and turned to go. At the threshold they warned: "Remember. We give you 24 hours."

In the next 24 hours, all Madrid, titillated by the looming duel of honor, hunted up copies of Press Mission in Spain. Though banned, it could be bought in the black market at 500 pesetas ($20) a copy. The price was steep but rewarding. Serrano Suner had passed on to the book's author, Journalist Armando Chavez Camacho of Mexico City, a choice comment by Adolf Hitler on Sancho Davila, a burly Falangist bullyboy who had once killed two party rivals in a political brawl, and had long been feuding with Serrano Suner. Sneered the Fuehrer: "[Sancho Davila] is stupidity personified . . . the greatest fool ever to come to my headquarters."

A Good Spanking. Well before wrathful Sancho's ultimatum expired, Serrano penned him an abject note of apology: "I confirm all my profound esteem of you as a founder of the Falange and as a man." Honor satisfied and the duel off, Sancho still growled: "Serrano talks too much. He will step on my feet again. Next time I will not send friends. I will call on him myself ... I was not after a letter of apology or a duel. We do not fight duels any more in Spain. What I wanted was a good solid pretext to give Serrano the lesson he deserves--a beating-up in the old-fashioned way, a good spanking on the fanny, as you do with naughty children. Only--" here he glanced at a portrait of Franco on the wall "--they won't let me do it . . ."

In Mexico City, surprised Author Chavez commented: "Sancho Davila should really challenge Hitler to a duel, if alive, or if dead, look for his soul, wherever it may be."

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