Pest Control. In Taunton, Mass., 63-year-old Maryann Bettencourt routed three armed housebreakers by threatening them with an insecticide gun.

Salesman. In Seattle, Insurance Agent James Henderson finally succeeded in selling James Ladd a personal-liability policy, began to collect on it after being bitten next day by Ladd's dog.

Penmanship. In Walla Walla, Wash., a week after Francis Drake got a suspended sentence for petty larceny and a dollar in cash from benign Judge T. A. Paul, he turned up in court on a forgery charge, explained that he had used the court's dollar to buy a fountain pen for the job.

Extenuation. In Andover, Conn., Mrs. Samuel T. Howard complained to police that her husband had shot at her because she failed to sew two buttons on his trousers.

Love & Duty. In Louisville, Mrs. Marie Spalding bawled out her husband, a policeman, who arrested her for disorderly conduct. In Shanghai, Miss Hu Shu-cheng spurned her policeman suitor, who got her jailed for a year as a Communist.

Industrial Hazard. In Elizabeth, N.J., Judge Edward A. McGrath rejected the workmen's compensation claim of Edward J. Fick, who had broken his leg in a company picnic three-legged race.

Due Process. In Philadelphia, traffic court Magistrate Jacob Dogole called it a day after 1) Mrs. Elizabeth C. Morgan, charged with lending a motorcycle to an unlicensed driver, proved she didn't own one, 2) Helen Porreca, accused of illegal parking at a certain address, proved there was no such street, 3) Edward Gishen, also up for illegal parking, proved that he was out of town with his car at the time, 4) Timothy Credan and William J. Leahan Jr., charged with passing stop lights, proved there were no such lights.

Windy City. In Chicago, policemen who helped fish 96-lb. Harry Goldman from the river asked him why he had jumped, got a straight answer: "I didn't jump, the wind blew me in."

Verdict. In Los Angeles, George Leingang was convicted of grand theft and fined $1,000 for selling "worthless oil land," four years later made a $1,000,000 strike on it.

Clean Living. In Los Angeles, nine rooming-house tenants complained in court that Landlady June Gilbert not only charged exorbitant rents but persisted in sleeping in the bathtub.

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