Adaptable. In Monterey, Calif., Joe Gilliland lost his auto license after three arrests for drunken driving, was presently jolted into the ditch while doing some drunken horse-&-buggy driving.

Helpmeet. In Springfield, Mass., Ralph Baughn's sentence for hacking at his wife with a carving knife was suspended when she explained to the judge: "He was only playing around like husbands do."

Archeology. In Hamilton, Wash., hard-working burglars finally completed a tunnel through the vault floor of the State Bank of Hamilton, which has been out of business for four years.

Family Man. In Los Angeles, Jose Negrete had his marriage annulled so that he could marry his mother-in-law.

Mordant Retort. In Catanzaro, Italy, Carmelo Buongiorno, a Communist, was sentenced to four years in prison for ending a political argument by biting off his opponent's nose.

Crack-Up. In Detroit, Mrs. Nelsa Moorhatch suffered a few bruises when she walked into a plane's whirling propeller and smashed it to pieces.

Guilt Complex. In Madisonville, Tex., a local cattlemen's association launched a national "corrective campaign," hopefully offered a prize to the child of an out-of-state veteran (trained in Texas) who wrote the best letter on "Why My Daddy Is Wrong About Texas."

Bargain. In Camp Robinson, Ark., 400 War Assets Administration huts which had found no buyers at $30 each were sold at auction at an average of $49.99.

Young in Heart. In Tokyo, government ordinance was blamed by 8 2-year-old Kura Nagaoka for her retirement after 70 years as a practicing geisha.

Any Questions? In Wellton, Ariz., Flight Instructor Larry C. Spain, demonstrating "How Not to Fly an Airplane," cracked up.

The Choice. In Montreal, Truck Driver Armand Lafleur testified that he had been offered $700 to run over somebody, but had refused for fear of losing his driver's license.

Best Intentions. In Memphis, Joseph Henry Wadlington explained to police that he had stolen a typewriter because he needed it to rewrite some of the Bible.

Millennium. In Victoria, B.C., the Canadian Red Cross Mobile Blood Transfusion Clinic got some blood from A. Stone.

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