Protective Coloration. On Treasure Island, Calif., the Navy finally found Watertender James L. Telfer, listed as a deserter for two years, during which time he had lived in an empty naval barracks and played on a Navy baseball team.

Understander. In Baltimore, George L. Jones ran to help at a fire, was treated for back injuries after he was landed on by: 1) Mrs. Calvin Muller, who fell off a rope; 2) Mary Paddy, who fell from a third-story window; 3) Calvin Muller, who fell from a second-story window.

Couple of Salesmen. In Denver, Charles Seals dissuaded a stickup man by buying his pistol for $8.

Frank Treatment. In Decatur, Ill., Wallace Henricks and Robert & Richard Hodges were arrested for carefully spreading a neighbor's car with mustard.

Occupational Ailment. In Saxonburg, Pa., Susan Stewart, 100, was chosen "oldest [doughnut] dunker in America" by the National Dunking Association, but had to turn down a trip to New York because of chronic indigestion.

Anachronism. In Hunnebostrand, Sweden, after a little reflection on the total lack of local crime, the town fathers auctioned off the jail's equipment--lock, stock and blankets.

War Between the Sexes. In London, when John Gilbert's wife refused him -L-i, he tossed a live hand grenade at her.

Procrastinator. In Ellsworth, Wis., Lloyd Snider was released from custody when he promised to marry the mother of his nine children.

Shopworn. At Fort Sam Houston, Tex., the Army advertised for sale ten surplus human skeletons, "male, adult (parts value only)."

Living Dangerously. In Monmouth, Ill., Constable Jess L. Berner went to the hospital with ax wounds after he tried to serve an eviction notice on 80-year-old, 4-ft. tall Mrs. Elizabeth Jean Snedeker.

Good Faith. Near Newcastle, New South Wales, 150 coal miners walked off the job when a pit pony developed halitosis, reconsidered when the management offered to mix fragrant musk in its feed.

Environment. In Long Beach, Calif., Milo E. Murphy visited a chum in the city jail, where somebody got his wallet.

Case History. In Pittsburgh, Dr. Frederic T. Mavis swallowed an oyster, changed his mind, tried to go into reverse, dislocated a vertebra and paralyzed his right arm.

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