Hmmm. In San Francisco, Dr. Robert C. Miller, director of the Steinhart Aquarium, excitedly opened a shipment of Hawaiian fish, was considerably let down to find a bunch of humuhumuhiukole; he had ordered humuhumunukunukuapuaa.

Parental Principle. In McKees Rocks, Pa., Agnes Vukson won a divorce on grounds that her husband, doggedly following a principle laid down by his father, thrashed her soundly three times a day.

Next to Godliness. In Victoria, B.C., Witness Nora Johnstone daintily declined to kiss the court's Bible because "it might not be clean," dipped into her handbag for her own tissue-wrapped Bible.

Direct Action. In Omaha, a customer underestimated Mrs. Nonie Anders, waltzed out of her restaurant without paying his 75-c- check, whereupon the 61-year-old proprietor picked up her pistol, chased the customer out to his car, conked him with the gun butt, dragged him back in and called the cops.

Yaaah! In San Jose, Calif., a woman left her dentist with her completely toothless mouth painted a bright purple, spotted a gentleman friend outside and playfully gave him a great big purple yawn, felt rather foolish when he turned out to be a total stranger.

Reasonable Facsimile. In St. John, N.B., five-year-old Richard Irvine fell off a pier, was rescued by his 65-year-old grandmother, who jumped right in after him, then gaspingly explained: "I never thought what I was doing. ... I can't swim.

Family Ties. In Denver, Mr. & Mrs. Robert C. Beers asked court permission to change their names to something better suited to their temperance work. In Chicago, Nunlay Boose and son Joseph were accused of stealing a case of whiskey.

Dutiful Discovery. In Richmond, B.C., the school board proudly inspected its partially completed $138,000 school, went sheepishly back to the municipal council for another $7,620 so that the school could be equipped with desks.

Zoo's Eye View. In Chicago, Lincoln Park Zoo monkeys were depressed by the newfangled glass in front of their cages--the crowds could look in, but the monkeys couldn't look out--until they found that dousing the lights again allowed them to observe the funny people outside.

Whoosh! In Vlaardingen, Holland, a chemical worker snitched a likely looking piece of filter cloth (which happened to contain a good deal of guncotton), made himself a pair of pants, then rashly struck a match on them.

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.