Know Your Paradise

Britain's New Statesman and Nation recently invited readers to write a Service guide, to either Heaven or Hell, parodying the pamphlets issued to soldiers & sailors in World War II. The prizewinning parody of a U.S. Army "Guide to Heaven":

"You and your outfit have been ordered to Heaven as part of an all-out Allied Offensive against the Devil. You're going to meet a people who like Americans and whom you will like. The Angels have much in common with us; they are virtuous, peace-loving, God-fearing people, and they're out to lick the Devil all the way

"Don't land in Heaven thinking that you're there to save helpless people from the savage Fiend. Remember, the Angels have been fighting for a long time (in the last battle, fought in their own country, Satan was routed, forced to take refuge in Hell). And wherever the battle against sin has been fought, Angels, like Americans, have been in there pitching. . . .

"Unlike the United States, Heaven is an autocracy. That means that Angels are not allowed to criticize their government in the same way as Americans. We may not agree that this is the best form of government, but it should be remembered that we are guests in the country, and it would be discourteous, and not unfraught with danger, to voice our opinions too strongly. . . . Angels pay great respect to their Archangels; it would be a courteous gesture for G.I.s to salute these officers, just as enlisted members of the Heavenly Host salute American officers. . . .

"Finally, remember that it will take mutual cooperation to win the war, and the fact that Angels and Americans are united in a common struggle means a fast finish for the Devil and all his works."

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