Ticklish Task. In St. Joseph, Mo., police were out to find a missing woman described only as having a scar on her hip.

Listless. In Chicago, a South Side butcher asked OPA for a ceiling-price list, admitting he had nothing to sell but would like something to read.

O Pioneers. In Kansas City, Mo., 70 "Native Sons of Kansas City" barreled out beyond the city limits, got lost three times, finally found their annual picnic ground.

Silent Night. In Tokyo, a theatrical troupe went orientally on strike: actors came on stage, went through the entire play, but did it all in pantomime.

Fast Turnover. In Los Angeles, Laborer John Sherwood went to his car to get his lunch, caught a man stealing it, turned him over to police, finally sat down to eat, found the police had taken the lunch for evidence.

Blind Staggers. In Paterson, N.J., Arthur Phillips stumbled into a police station, flung 50-c- on the desk, cried: "Give us all a drink," was being led away when William O'Rourke staggered in, hiccuped: "I'll have the same," got it.

Room Service. In Los Angeles, robbers slugged Harvey Weaver, carried him home, changed his clothes, put him to bed, left with his suit and $95.

Plunger. In Los Angeles, Frank Knapp Jr. hired crews to dig for water, drew a blank at 100 ft., dug 90 ft. deeper, now owns an oil well.

Professional Preference. In Chicago, Loyola University's nonsmoking Professor P. S. Lietz was getting about eight cigars a week from freshmen veterans-become-fathers, complained, "I'd rather have an apple."

Familiar Ring. In Pittsburgh, Pauline Wiseman complained that someone had sneaked into her spick-&-span rooming house, had not only taken a bath but left a ring around the tub.

Grumpy, Eh? In Chicago, Shirley Hudson sued for divorce, claimed her eight-day, gag-loving husband had 1) tied her ankles together, 2) hoisted her to the ceiling, 3) accused her of lacking a sense of humor.

Rooftree. In Honolulu, the Star-Bulletin ran a want ad: "Furnished roof for rent."

Hyperbole. In Victoria, B.C., Elsie Hamilton petitioned to have her name changed to Elsie Robin-Cairn Sherly Jane Mitchell Keith-Falconer Hamilton.

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.