Burned Up. In lola, Kans., during a heated altercation with the umpire, Catcher Dave Dennis' chest protector burst into flames.

Eliminating the Negative. In the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, R. C. Friend advertised: "Attractive girl wanted to work in dark room nights."

Down & Out. In Creston, Iowa, carnival magician Thomas Mays made a quarter disappear all right, then underwent an operation to have it removed from his stomach.

Dream House. In Honolulu, Chun Hoon, Ltd., grocers, reported the overnight appearance on their premises of a two-bedroom house, unoccupied. Next night it went away again.

Snappy Answer. In Salt Lake City, Traffic Cop J. H. Simonsen asked a woman driver why she was veering all over the place, for reply was handed the snapped-off steering wheel.

Reconversion. In Washington, a group of 62 WACs and WAVES joined Alcoholics Anonymous.

Early Bird. In West Orange, N.J., Police Sergeant Benjamin Dangler offered for sale the parrot he had trained to wake him up with a cheery "Are you up yet, Sarge?" Reason: the bird sounded off earlier & earlier each morning.

Glass Jaw. In Vidalia, Ga., Mack Crawford, weaving his way out of the Silver Moon bar, took a poke at a big guy who was holding the door shut, smashed his fist and the door's full-length mirror.

Acid Test. In Durham, England, Walter Richards, onetime BBC broadcaster on Crime Does Not Pay, drew a three-year sentence for shopbreaking.

By the Way. . . . Near Indio, Calif., sheriff's deputies finally overtook a car they had chased across the desert, informed surprised Motorist F. H. Davison: "You left your wife and mother-in-law at the gas station 50 miles back."

Summary Proceeding. In Churubusco, Ind., Town Marshal Ben demons gave a restraining signal to a speeder ahead of him, got such prompt obedience that he barreled into the car, practically demolishing it.

Knockout. In Atlantic City, Photographer Joseph Drilling, filming a beauty contest, fell dead.

Last Word. In Banff, Alta., the Canadian Medical Convention heard Dr. W. J. Deadman speak on "Sudden Death."

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