Art Critic. In Manhattan, John Mcllroy celebrated 30 years' work underground. His job: erasing mustaches on subway posters.

Double Birdie. In Fresno, Calif., a golf ball lustily swatted by C. S. Swanson smacked a blackbird, dropped four feet from the cup, was holed for a birdie.

Burned Up. In Monroe, Wis., desk policeman Herb Bolliger 1) got a frantic call for the fire department; 2) threw the fire switch--which wouldn't work; 3) raced to the fire station and yanked a bell cord--which broke; 4) whirled to rush back to the police station siren, tripped over a rope coil; 5) switched on the siren; 6) answered the phone again, heard: ". . . fire under control."

Slick Chicks. In Rehoboth, Mass., a reckless chicken hawk power-dived into a henhouse, was captured by quick-thinking hens who ran out, slammed the door.

Slugger Mugger. In San Diego, Mrs. Sally Curtis complained that her ex-husband passionately kissed her, simultaneously conked her with a rock.

Waste Not, Want Not. In Rio Segundo, Argentina, Baker Felipe Gauna exhumed his wife, cremated her, converted her coffin into a bread-kneading trough.

Onward Christian Soldiers. In Saskatchewan, a returned antitank battery explained why it was called the "Pious 65th": it boasted three Bishops, two Parsons, one Churchman and one Goodenough.

About-Face. In El Segundo, Calif., Undertaker John D. Flanagan uncertainly officiated at an unscheduled birth in his private ambulance.

Glutton for Punishment. In Shawnee, Kans., Army Corporal John G. Lally, survivor of the Bataan Death March, a Jap prison (three years, five months), malaria and temporary blindness, re-enlisted.

Nary a Scent. In Dallas, Ore., Mrs. Sadie Reddekopp reported that the Christmas rush had cleaned out the stock of her odorless skunk farm.

Current Event. In Sedalia, Mo., a cow lost interest in her cud: experimentally bit an electric light cord, abruptly lost interest in everything.

Toujours Lamoureux. In the English Channel, ex-G.I. Herbert J. Lamoureux, having cannily joined the Merchant Marine to return to his British war bride and child, plopped overboard, gamely attempted an icy five-mile swim to England's shore, was picked up, two miles short, placed aboard another U.S.-bound ship.

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