A calendar of triumphs, defeats, and contortions of the human spirit during 1945:
January. In Portland, Ore., John R. Polioudakis, proprietor of a grocery store, answering a stranger's query, was hit over the head with an iron pipe when he uttered the fighting phrase: "Sorry, no cigarets." February. In Providence, State Labor Director William L. Connolly reached for an aspirin, swallowed a pill for his wife's petunia plant instead, grew panicky, was calmed by an agricultural expert who informed him that he had merely taken the equivalent of 18 bushels of horse manure and had nothing to worry about.
March. In Durham, N.C., State Senator R. A. Whitaker introduced a bill to forbid public, habitual drunkenness among judges.
April. In Chicago, experimenting with some new jujitsu holds, Joseph Dwyer and Harry Stevens simultaneously broke each other's right leg.
May. In Manhattan, a hard-pressed butcher set out a sign: "What Have I Got? I Got Cow's Feet."
June. In Albuquerque, N. Mex., F. M. Griswold stepped out into his frontyard, just missed falling into a ditch from which thieves had, overnight, uprooted his seven-year-old hedge.
July. In Kansas City, weather forecasters of the American Meteorological Society picked an "ideal day" for their annual picnic, were rained out.
August. Near Esquipulas, Guatemala, a fish encountered openmouthed Swimmer Lazaro Perez, swam in, choked him to death.
September. In Chicago, Julius Goss pointed out to police that it was illogical to accuse him of setting a church afire, since for 48 years he had made his living robbing poor boxes.
October. In Seattle, evidence of the expanding labor market appeared in a Post-Intelligencer ad: HELP WANTED, MALE--REFINED, RELIABLE GENTLEMAN TO CLEAN TOILETS.
November. In Dallas, the Defense Plant Corp. invited bids on 19 surplus postholes.
December. In Reno, Bill Crowson asked a policeman how much it cost to slug a wife, was told $50, slugged his, paid it.
This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.