This Means You. In Atlanta, an overhead sign broke loose from its chain, dropped, beaned Smoker Loy L. Warr, who then discovered that the sign read: "No Smoking."

Money to Burn. Off the coast of New Hampshire, Matthew Betton drifted in a powerboat for five days, finally set fire to his last twelve dollars, was rescued by fishermen who saw the light.

Relax. In Pontiac, Mich., the State Barbers Association passed a resolution deploring the practice of reading in barber chairs, explained that concentration on literature tends to stiffen the reader's neck.

Scanty Evidence. In Long Beach, Calif., Joan Morton won a divorce after testify ing that her jealous husband flew off the handle when his laundry erred and he discovered a pair of men's shorts four sizes too big for him in his own dresser drawer.

Admission Charge. In Mount Carmel, Ill., the city jail custodian requested prospective guests to bring along their red points.

Clear the Decks. In Portland, Ore., a woman asked her ration board for ten pounds of canning sugar for her nameless baby, explained: "The baby isn't born yet, but I want to get my canning done before I go to the hospital." Where There's Smoke. In Neosho Rapids, Kan., Farmer Ralph Blank, burn ing trash, watched a plane circle and land in a field nearby. The pilot, a cigaret dangling from his lips, approached and begged a light.

Out at Home. In California, Major Walter J. Boyne, discharged from the Army, set out on a motor trip with 1944 license plates, made it as far as New Rochelle, N.Y., before he was nabbed by a cop -- five blocks from his home.

Selective Clientele. In Brooklyn, N.Y., S. Baron, ready for a vacation, wrote to a camp: "Please furnish information regard ing weekend facilities at your summer camp." The resort: the Army's Camp Shanks.

Enterprise. In Williamsville, N.Y., Dog Warden Walter Rupp resigned after he was charged with using a dog on a leash to entice other dogs into becoming strays.

The Bite. At Camp Butner, N.C., Private Willie Jackson lacked a dog-tag but got his pay all right when he produced his upper plate, inscribed: "Willie Jack son, 34510783."

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