Housebroken. In Buffalo, Mr. & Mrs. Lawrence Delaney returned from a party, found a stranger asleep in their bed, noted that the intruder had also used Mr. Delaney's toothbrush and hair tonic.

Initial Investment. In San Diego, Petros Protopapadakis made application to change his name to Petros FDR Protopapadakis.

Out Cold. In Regina, Sask., Taxi Driver Ethel Sheffield swerved around a slippery curve, crashed into a lamppost, slumped unconscious in the front seat, would have frozen to death in the 16-below-zero cold if the lamppost had not upheld a fire alarm, which went off, bringing rescuing firemen.

It's About Time. In Santa Fe, N. Mex., Ora Stumpff desperately sued a jeweler for embezzlement in a final attempt to get back his watch, which had been on the repair shelf for 23 months.

Breathing Spell. In Paris, shivering cinemactors quit work for a while on a film about the Suez Canal, explained that because of the coal shortage their vaporized breath ruined all illusion of the tropics.

Antibapfist. In San Juan Capistrano, Calif., the Coastline Dispatch ran an advertisement: "Notice. Positively no more baptizing in my pasture. Twice here in the last two months my gate has been left open by Christian people and before I chase my heifers all over the country again, all sinners can go to hell."

Glmpatience. At Fort George G. Meade, a soldier, newly arrived at the Separation Center for his discharge from the Army, went AWOL.

Luscious License. In Springfield, Ill., State officials, proud of having saved tons of steel by making 1945 Illinois automobile licenses out of a soybean plastic, were chagrined when motorists began complaining that hungry dogs now chase their cars for blocks to get a bite of the tasty new plates.

Slow Boil. In Birmingham, England, Jean Russell complained to the judge that her theft of two eggs had cost her 17 pounds--the -L-10 sterling which she had been fined plus 7 lbs. in weight in stewing over her trial.

Sorry, Sorry. In Gilbertville, Mass., when John Lucier huffed into the town clerk's office to protest the unauthorized sale of a piece of land on which he had been paying taxes for the last 20 years, the clerk checked his records, found that Citizen Lucier had never owned the land.

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