The Dumb Cop. In Portland, Ore., police put out a fire under a parked automobile, considerably annoying George Harper, its owner, who complained that he always left the pilot light burning in his Stanley Steamer.

Revolutionist. In Great Falls, Mont., the police reported the arrest of a man fast asleep in a revolving door.

Vicious Circle. In Peoria, Ill., a frustrated burglar gave up after trying four times to crack a safe with a welding torch that promptly sealed up each hole that it melted open.

Family Ties. In Syracuse, N.Y., Mrs. Nellie Ranalli Rousseau and Mrs. Albertine Rousseau Ranalli, who were married ten years ago to each other's brothers, each gave birth to her fifth child, each a daughter, on the same day.

Tickler. In Fort Smith, Arkansas, Bill Kelton tickled his wife, chased her down the streets at dawn, disturbed his neighbors' peace, got a $100 fine and three months in jail.

Ever So Humble. In Philadelphia, Joseph Coia, a deserter from a Navy ship stationed in Brooklyn, was undone when he gave his draft board a home address smack in the middle of the U.S. Mint.

International Discord. In France, U.S.O. entertainers claimed to have discovered that the Nazis had tuned all French pianos one half tone low.*

Rope Trick. In Johannesburg, South Africa, a native named Mongola cut grass, spent a whole day plaiting it into a rope, then climbed a tree and hanged himself.

Hey Diddle Diddle. In Perry, Okla., a 1,000-lb. bull belonging to Henry Gengler broke out of his pen, struggled onto the roof of the barn, climbed to the ridgepole, coasted down the other side, jumped 16 feet, cracked several ribs, knocked himself out.

Look Here. In Cincinnati, the Procter & Gamble research department furrowed its collective brow over a freak bar of Ivory Soap that would not float.

True Confession. In Dallas, a deaf, elderly lady listened to two detectives who wanted her description of a traffic accident she had witnessed, brushed them off with: "I'm sorry, but I'm already taking all the magazines I can read."

*What they probably discovered were standard-pitched French pianos (A 435 vibrations a second), slightly jarring when played in combination with American-pitched instruments (A=440 vibrations a second).

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