Protocol. At the Utah State Prison. Warden J. H. Harris warned his charges not to use the colloquialism, "We wuz robbed!" during baseball games. Both umpires, he explained, were doing time for robbery.

Patriot's Problem. In Rochester, N.Y., a ration board informed a young woman that she no longer need share-the-ride with a passenger who had a habit of changing to his work pants in the back seat.

Solid Food. In Big Sandy, Mont., A. H. Olson appeared with a dead rattle snake and a story. The snake, he explained, swallowed a mouse. Then the mouse killed the snake by biting a hole in its throat.

Hear No Evil. In Astoria, N.Y., police arrested three men and a woman for a series of holdups. The gang confessed on paper -- they were all deaf mutes.

Scorcher. In St. Louis, Clarence Brown Jr. was hospitalized and treated for burns after being hit by a line drive in a sand-lot baseball game. The batter had scored a bulls-eye on a pocketful of stick matches.

Night Out. In The Bronx, a beer-drinking crow named Deacon, whose small vocabulary includes "bow-wow," flew out of the zoo, was discovered in a fight with a cat two blocks away, was returned to the zoo minus some feathers and smelling of beer from an unknown donor.

Mother-in-Law. In Flushing, N.Y., Mrs. Susan Elizabeth Lowe left over $20,000 to her three sons, named as the executors her three daughters-in-law.

Mmmmm! In New Guinea, a captured Jap sheepishly explained that the aroma from the G.I. bakery had been so tantalizing that he had just had to surrender.

Phew! In Stockbridge, Mass., Mrs. John F. Decker argued that no woman should be expected to put up with a man who kept six skunks in the coalbin. She got the divorce.

War Dancer. In the Hawaiian Islands, Private Herman Zachary, an Indian, got tired of seeing the hula, wrote home to Desmet, Idaho, for his feathers, breech clout, tomahawk and moccasins.

Roman Holiday. In Camden, N.J., the Fourth Ward Republicans Club celebrated the fall of Rome with a blowout, got a 45-day suspension of their liquor license for 1) serving liquor on Sunday and 2) selling it for off-the-premises use.

Prerogative. In Philadelphia, Rudolph Weeber, 94, painted his house blue, decided he didn't like the color, painted it all over again in white.

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