Homebody. In Montclair, N.J., Coffing Melkin Arslanian was permitted to use his business address as his voting residence. He lives in a tree.

Colorado Commando. In Grand Junc tion, Colo., Herbert Krueger rushed to the aid of Russian guerrillas as they walked into a Nazi machine-gun trap, let out a bloodthirsty yell just as the cinema screen collapsed over his head, was fined $25 for disturbing the peace.

Golden Corn. In Halifax, Nova Scotia, an R.C.A.F. flier complained of corns, was examined by a medical officer who found $2,000 cached in the sole of his boot.

Fiesta. Omaha simultaneously celebrated Don't Spit on the Sidewalks Week and Clean Up Your Plate Week.

Clincher. In Washington, a notice" was posted on the Boiling Field bulletin board : "i. Effective this date, no liquor or other intoxicating beverages will be introduced into barracks. Infractions will result in disciplinary action. 2. All unnecessary drunkenness will not be tolerated also."

Frogs. In Pueblo, Colo., the annual frog-jumping contest of the Cheese Knife Club was won by Dewey, who defeated Stassen, MacArthur, Bricker, Warren and Willkie. Jumper Roosevelt did not compete.

Tube Talk. In Manhattan, the German language newspaper Aufbau, conducting a department to teach refugees American manners, received a reader query: "If I feel insulted by a rude person -- in the subway, for instance -- what should I do? I can't very well begin to swear at him." The answer: "Certainly not. You just give him a dirty look, and you say, 'Really!' '

"A Thousand Thousand." In Vancouver, B.C., teen-age girls indulged in a city-wide orgy of kissing inanimate objects, planted lipstick on mirrors, windowpanes, restaurant saucers, doorknobs, milk bottles, billboards. Nobody knew why.

Sudden Salvage. In Wilton, Conn., news-hungry residents complained about overzealous wastepaper salvagers who reg ularly collect bundles of Sunday papers dropped by delivery trucks on Saturday night.

Pyrotechnics. In Manhattan, the Fire Department put out a small fire in the offices of the Fire Extinguisher Service Corp.

Shyloclced. In Los Angeles, Kenneth M. Springer, who said he was a Jehovah's Witness minister, was haled into court for draft-dodging, fined $1,000 and a pint of blood (for the Red Cross).

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