Geoastrophysiologist

Twenty-odd years ago a good-looking young German named Walter Bauer got off a river boat at Asuncion, found a cave in the country, set up as a prophet. He told Paraguayan peasants when to marry or leave it alone. He predicted the future, made rain, found hidden treasure.

When his beard grew long enough, he moved to the summer resort of San Bernardino. Calling himself a "geoastrophysiologist," he turned to Paraguay's favorite subject -- her wildcat politics -- and flatly predicted that Dr. Jose Patricio Guggiari would be elected President. To the astonishment of Guggiari, the prediction came true, and the prophet's reputation soared.

Bauer predicted the Chaco War and its victorious ending. He predicted the presidency of Jose Felix Estigarribia. When he predicted the presidency of Higinio Morinigo (another unlikely event which came to pass), the grateful Morinigo made him a sort of court prophet, consulting him often on matters of state.

Recently Bauer began to stroke his beard and rumble unwelcome words. President Morinigo, he said, would have revolution trouble. He did, and barely survived. Bauer prophesied a wave of popular opposition. He was right again. A few weeks ago, with a sweeping stroke of his beard, he predicted Morinigo's downfall.

Rising to the emergency, President Morinigo hustled the prophet off to jail, called the prison barber. Now Bauer, beardless, lives in a little house near the zoo.

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