Mairzy Doats. In Hollywood, unmarried, 28-year-old Edward M. Sheridan was indicted for having listed his horse Mary Ann Sheridan as a dependent on his draft registration. Indignantly pointing out that he had honestly given her full name, sex and date of birth, he further protested: "I didn't tell any lies. I didn't list her as my daughter ... of course she's a dependent. The oats she eats keep me broke."

Railway Ties. In Manhattan, the Pennsylvania R.R.'s 26-year-old brake-woman Jocelyn Wagner backed up her argument for seniority equal to men's: "I love the work. It's the nearest thing to being a sailor. ... I like the way the sun falls on those crazy little burgs."

Alarm Burglar. In Yonkers, N.Y., a burglar ransacked a house's silver, linen and other valuables, made off with a single prize : the alarm clock.

Dirty Work. In Washington, Post Office Department Solicitor Vincent M. Miles revealed to a House committee that a $3,200-a-year job reading magazines for obscenity was still going begging. The last man who tried it, a Montanan, gave up in six weeks. He said he did not like Washington.

Like a Fox. On Bougainville Island, his pals laughed and bet Private Roy L. Webb $80 that he could not dig a foxhole eight feet wide, four feet deep, and ten feet long in four hours. He tossed out the 19 tons of sand in three hours and 56 minutes.

Hoist. In Detroit, John Gremblewski prepared a poisoned ham sandwich, left it out for rats, later got hungry. He will recover.

High Test. In Italy, Army Intelligence Officer Orville L. McDonald, of Goose Creek, Tex., took a pull at a coffee canteen, got quite a jag out of the gasoline that was in it, later admitted that he had a "slight hangover."

Ceiling Hitter. In New Orleans, shoe rationing officer M. J. Leumas was warned to enforce price ceilings by a woman who protested that while she used to get shoe-ration stamps for 50-c-, the price had now risen to $3.

Malediction. In a Marine chow line, Chaplain Lonnie W. Meachum got doused with hot soup, remarked wryly: "Will some layman please say a few appropriate words?"

Sheep's Clothing. In Manhattan, swank Shirtmaker Clyde offered men's shorts fashioned of a new material: camouflage cloth.

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.