Hero. In Washington, a patent was awarded to the inventor of a handbag with a translucent bottom, which makes it possible for a woman to discover what is in the bag by holding it up to the light, instead of disemboweling it on a restaurant table.

Definition. In Chicago, Circuit Judge Cornelius J. Harrington ruled that a husband cannot justifiably charge his wife with being cruel to him unless he has been put in actual danger of his life.

Welcome, Stranger. In Boston, William Allen arrived cautiously from the country with $600 cleverly distributed over his person in six different wallets. He met a stranger who admired his build, felt his muscles, patted him, took his leave, got away with all six wallets.

Chauffage Central. In Salisbury.

N.C., James Thomas, newly returned home, tried to produce some hot water for a bath, stoked & stoked the heater, finally discovered that somebody had tapped the wrong pipe -- one of his children came running from the pond in the yard shouting: "Daddy, the fish are cooking." How Now, Old Mole? In London, a married woman was jailed for helping conceal her lover, a French deserter. She had hidden him for 16 months under her floor, in an 11-by-3 ft. hideaway. He was nabbed when he popped out, suspecting that three other men were around the house.

Beauty's Slaves. In Kansas City, four boys were charged with stealing auto accessories: police found them in a sedan equipped with seven tail lights, four spot lights, two radiator lights, a red light in a radiator cap, two flags, three coon tails, a silver ball, two crosses, two regular horns, eleven musical horns and a doorbell with cathedral chimes.

Family Ways. In Hartford, Conn., Mrs.

Everett Pearl, an adagio dancer, won a divorce from her partner, who, she charged, was too realistic in his tossing. In Los Angeles, Mrs. Robert Worthington won a divorce after complaining that her husband had nagged her when she had her broken jaw wired shut.

It's a Small Name. In Valley Falls, N.Y., Clifford Lewis, whose wife's name is Frances, arrived from Troy, moved into his new home, found his next-door neighbor is Clifford Lewis, whose wife's name is Frances.

Bargain Day. In Americus, Ga., Leon D. Slappey, unarmed, flushed a covey of quail, pointed an imaginary gun, cried, "Bang, bang" -- whereupon one of the birds flew into a fence and was killed.

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