Listen, Judge. In Chicago, a Texas badman, Taylor N. Whichard, told the judge that if all charges against him were dropped, he would personally rub out Adolf Hitler. The judge, unmoved, gave him nine years.

Procrustes. In Birmingham, Ala., a widow sued an undertaking firm for $75,000, charging that the undertaker sawed both feet off her husband's body so that it would fit in a small casket.

Warrior. In Dedham, Mass., John R. Marsolini, soon to be inducted, asked court permission to shorten his surname to Mars.

Request. In El Dorado, Kans., the men who lounge on the running board of the fire truck each noon petitioned the city council for cushions.

Creeper. In Albuquerque, N.Mex., Judge E. C. Gober fined a motorist $100 on the ground that no sober motorist would drive consistently at three miles an hour.

Letdown. In Des Moines, Iowa, an eight-year-old Superman fan, James Henderson, put on a Superman suit, jumped off the second-story landing and crashed. Said he, with a sprained ankle, "The darned thing wouldn't work."

Double-Trouble. In Chicago, Bigamist Robert Pruitt's two wives went to the same hospital, presented him with children the same day, found out about each other.

Touch. In Newark, N.J., Francis Murphy returned to his car to find three tires, two wheels and the battery missing, the gas tank drained, and a summons for overtime parking.

Hippophobe. At Fort Logan, Colo., a full-blooded Arapaho Indian, away from home for the first time, told Army officers he was a poor bet for the cavalry: he was afraid of horses.

Newsy. In Waukesha, Wis., Mike and Emanuel Zoler received a letter from Crete. Censored: the name of the senders, the date, the salutation, the text. Uncensored: the address of a Crete concentration camp.

Life. In Milford Center, Ohio, Carl Kaufman was treated for chills after being trapped four hours in a packinghouse refrigerator. A few hours later he was treated for burns after his truck caught fire.

Fire Cat. In Manhattan, the men of Engine Company 65 mourned the disappearance of Henry, the firehouse cat, who could slide down the fire pole.

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