No More Pandiculation

Two hoary old nostrums which were finally banned by Federal authorities:

>During the past 23 years, William Koch, a discredited M.D., and his brother Louis have widely marketed from their Koch Laboratories a phony synthetic "antitoxin" for cancer called Glyoxylide. They claimed it was made from fatty sulfur compounds, sold it for prices ranging from $25 to $300 a thimbleful. Since cancer is not caused by bacteria but is an anarchy of the body's own cells, a cancer antitoxin is a contradiction in terms. Last week the Koch Bros, were arrested for violating the Federal Food, Drug and Cosmetic Act. Their brew was found watery. Said Assistant U.S. Attorney John C. Ray: "Chemical analysis shows that the dilution [of Glyoxylide] is so infinitesimal that it would be like dumping a cocktail in the Detroit River and expecting to get a kick out of the water going over Niagara Falls."

>"Pandiculate for Health! Grow Tall! Get Well! Be Young!" Exuberant ads like this, running in health-fad magazines since 1914, have proclaimed the virtues of a spine-stretching device called the "Pandiculator." The Post Office last fortnight barred the promoter of this fraud from using the U.S. mail. A rectangular box about four feet long, worked on the principle of a medieval rack, the Pandiculator has T-shaped iron posts at each end, one fixed, the other movable on a cable pulley system. To pandiculate, all a gull had to do was lie down on the box, strap his head to the fixed post, his feet to the adjustable one; when he turned a wheel on the side, he could stretch his legs and hear the joints crack. The promotion copy claimed that this Procrustean bed would cure "every conceivable condition."

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