Non-Conformist. In The Bronx, a parrot scheduled to whistle over the radio was barred when he started to whistle an ASCAP tune.

Guest. In Roscoe, N.Y., a motorist felt a bump, stopped, glanced around, found a horse in the back seat.

Samaritans. In Tilton, N.H., friends of a sick farmer pitched his hay into the barn for him. The overburdened barn collapsed, killed eight cows.

Legend. In Kansas City, Mo., another one-armed paperhanger caught another case of hives.

Enforcement. In Denver, police impounded the car of an Illinois tourist who had traveled 4,000 miles without license plates.

Coup de Grace. In Washington a patent was awarded for a fishhook that shot the fish after it was hooked.

Well Done. In Coffeyville, Kans., a woman who had hung a bag of cheese in a well to cool felt it fight back when she began to pull it up. She'd caught a catfish.

Fraud. In Harlem, a man charged with selling "reefers" turned out to have been selling catnip cigarets.

Repetition. In Klamath Falls, Ore., Mrs. L. L. Coon, who lost a race with the stork en route to the hospital Aug. 21, 1940, lost a race with the stork en route to the hospital Aug. 21, 1941.

Treatment. In Belleville, Ill., a man woke with four aching teeth, found a pair of pliers, pulled them out.

Lonelyheart. In Brooklyn, a postman charged a man had kicked him in the stomach because he hadn't brought a letter soon enough.

Thumb Fun. In Paradise, Mont., a hitchhiker returned from a 15,000-mile trip with a report. He said that the hitchhiker's paradise was Manhattan's Fifth Avenue.

Storage. In New Ulm, Minn., a farmer whose wheat had won a county fair prize last year failed to win a prize with the same wheat this year. The judges smelled the moth balls.

Confidence. In Long Island Sound a water spaniel was picked up three miles from shore, paddling grimly toward Westport, Conn., seven miles ahead.

Eggsit. In Vineland, N. J., an entrant in a hen contest laid her 1,464th egg, promptly went to her reward.

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