Sport. In Birmingham, England, police arrested a drunk. He was at the bottom of a crater, wrestling with a time bomb.

Frinstance. In Southport, N.C., a minister preached on "Ashes." Shortly the church caught on fire. Two hundred and fifty miles away in Greenville, S.C., a minister was preaching on the tumbling walls of Jericho when a car crashed into the church vestibule, showered the congregation with falling plaster.

Metropolis. In Manhattan, a woman drew a suspended sentence for riding a bicycle the wrong way on a one-way street.

False Colors. In San Diego, Calif., fire battalion chiefs wearied of getting salutes from green gobs, changed to another style of blue cap without gold braid.

Penny. In Syracuse, N.Y., a thrifty couple counted out 400 pennies for a blood test, 200 for a marriage license, got a ticket when they left for not having put a penny in the parking meter.

Dogs. In Linden, N.J., the dog warden was found guilty of not licensing his dog. In Titusville, Pa., soft-hearted Maurice Daly stood his job as dogcatcher for two days, resigned. In North Beach, L.I., a caretaker of a mansion gave up 26 of his 29 dogs. Reason: he was unable to support them.

Espionage. In a San Francisco divorce court Fred Field charged his wife had him shadowed by three ghosts. The judge gave her separate maintenance.

Enterprise. In The Bronx, New York, five children with one nickel tried to pass through one turnstile all at once. Police pried them out with a crowbar.

Courtship. In Elizabeth, N.J., a couple who had gone steady for 50 years got married.

Arm of the Law. In Denver, Colo., a home-coming motorist spied a prowler, looked in vain for a cop, parked, and chased the culprit himself. Back at his car five minutes later, he found a cop had been there and left him a ticket for illegal parking.

Loot. In Philadelphia, a thief stole two unlabeled bottles. They contained rat poison and roach powder. In Salt Lake City a thief made off with 15 drawings of a cemetery.

Vacation. "No paper this week," announced Editor James S. Magee of the Perry County (Pa.) Democrat. He explained: "Getting out a newspaper every week is an awful grind. We feel sure our subscribers will not begrudge us this week for rest and recreation."

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