While Seasoned Cooks Ben Butler, Gelett Burgess, Ole ("Hellzapoppin") Olsen, and Rube Goldberg looked on, ex-Congressman Bruce Barton thrust a spoonful of his best spaghetti between the large lips of Illustrator Arthur William Brown, which thereupon smacked noisily, made other sounds indicating that Adman Barton had proved himself worthy of membership in Manhattan's Society of Amateur Chefs.

Testifying in a Los Angeles court on behalf of two women (afterwards acquitted) on trial for practicing optometry without a license, lank, brooding British Author Aldous Huxley described the improvement in his vision which had come from exercises they had given him -- including staring at Mexican jumping beans and bouncing dice till he could read with out glasses.

Asked if he claimed his gland transplants rejuvenated people, famed Viennese Endocrinologist Eugen Steinach, vigorously celebrating his 80th birthday in Swiss exile, twinkled, tugged his mighty beard, shouted: "I cannot make a man younger than he is spiritually or physi cally."

On hand to referee a cardful of amateur fights in Philadelphia was as rough a roster as ever climbed into a ring. In honor of the occasion they squared off for a few photographic passes : double-chinned Mickey Walker, looking very little like the "Toy Bulldog" terror of the '20s; Politicuffing Restaurateur Jack Dempsey (lightly supporting Lou Salica, current bantam champ); leering Jimmy Braddock, erstwhile rags-to-riches Heavyweight Champion (with Tommy Forte, Salica's hottest rival, on his shoulders); and skinny, Texas-drawling Lew Jenkins, who can lick all lightweights.

Informed that the Harvard Lampoon's editors had called her the least desirable companion on a desert island, tiny, yellow-haired Cinemactress Miriam Hopkins shrugged the shoulders Illustrator Mc Clelland Barclay once called ideal, retorted: "The Lampoon editors are absolutely right. . . . However, in some quiet little restaurant I really am not so bad."

For the second successive year, Massachusetts' lantern-jawed Governor Leverett Saltonstall outskated lantern-jawed Quizman John Kieran in two grueling races (one a dash, the other an "endurance race" of two laps) at Boston's Country Club. Back at the State House, the Governor remarked easily, when Elevator Operator Dick Morrissey congratulated him: "It's good to keep in condition." Result: the Governor, challenged by Morrissey, went into training for a foot race to be held along the Charles River Esplanade.

In Manhattan, the Dexter Fellows Tent, Circus Saints & Sinners Club of America, feasted Man About Literature Christopher Morley; inducted him as "fall guy" amid props that left little doubt of the variety of Author Morley's achievements (see cut).

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.