Next Best Thing

Next Best Thing Devoted Nazis are fond of telling with utmost seriousness about the great German industrialist who found his daughter moping, tried to cheer her up by telling her she could have whatever she wanted for her birthday. "Alas, father, rich as you are, you cannot get me the only thing I want." "And what is that, daughter?" "Oh, if only I could have a child by Hitler!" With many a melting, impressionable Gretchen now in this state of mind, "Handsome Adolf" Hitler was seated last week at the Olympic Aquatic Stadium when a buxom female from Norwalk, Calif., one Mrs. Carla George de Vries, darted through the supposedly impregnable barrier of the Dictator's black-jacketed S. S. Guards and thrust an autograph book into his hands. Obligingly Herr Hitler signed. Suddenly the crowd of 18,000 gasped as Mrs. de Vries appeared to grapple with the Realmleader once, twice, thrice, before she got her arms around his neck and soundly kissed him. Neither grim old Feldmarschall August von Mackensen, who was sitting on Adolf Hitler's right, nor Minister of Interior Dr. Wilhelm Frick, who was on his left, moved a muscle to prevent what, for all they knew, might have been an attack on the Realmleader. As apple-cheeked S. S. Guards, with horror on their boyish Nazi faces, came bounding forward, the California Kisser blithely disengaged herself, was permitted to run to her husband who had shot the whole sequence with his home cinema camera. "Hitler," enthused Mrs. de Vries, "was ever so nice!"

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