Newport Waistlines
Sirs:
After seeing your number 4 issue of March of Time, visualizing the naval maneuvers, I am wondering how smart the naval strategists at Newport are, or how dumb.
Why go through the back-breaking gymnastics of shoving miniature ships around a linoleum floor? If it is to reduce the girth of the Generals --swell. But from a standpoint of gastronomical efficiency, which in some way effects brain maneuvers, it occurred to a layman that they might put their destroyers up on a table and walk around it, shoving their battleships, cruisers and destroyers in much easier posture.
If you want to transmit this to the Generals, to take the strain off their diaphragms and their intestinal rectitude, you have full right, title and permiss on.
Being a nitwit Infantryman (all back and no brains) from the last fracas, I have been cudgeling my dome since seeing your March of Time, wondering if the jackknife positions are in preparation for war maneuvers or swimming.
In my own befuddled way, I think Ambassador Saito's last crack in the film may have something to do with it--"Xavies will be navies."
Pardon my adenoids and the California sunshine.
VICTOR M. SHAPIRO
Hollywood, Calif.
Let Nit-Wit Shapiro realize that the Navy's ''Generals" are Admirals-in-the-making. If a table were built for their miniature war games, they would still get waistline exercise (which they relish) because the table would have to be as big as the linoleum floor on which they now play. The games are played to scale. Each 1-ft. square of linoleum represents one square mile of ocean, or at most ten square miles, according to the problem.--ED.
Solvent Illinois Central
Sirs:
TIME has won its place at the top of my must program of reading by the completeness, accuracy, speed and readableness with which it reports the news. In the July 15 issue, however. TIME outdoes itself when it reports that my railroad is "in the courts.'' I suggest you take a look at the record.
L. A. DOWNS
Illinois Central System Chicago, Ill.
To President Downs, apologies for a regrettable printer's error.--ED.
Man of Genius
Sirs:
"Likewise, the vast army of O. O. Mclntyre's admirers includes very few members of his own profession,'' says TIME [July 8] which would be justified in conducting a referendum on that dogmatic declaration. At the same time you . . . might start with a definition of admirers. We all read him if that's what you mean. And he is one of the very few men of genius who turn out daily columns today. . . . JOSEPH HOLLISTER
Pittsfield, Mass.
Sirs:
Permit me to extend to you my appreciation for your very satisfying revelations concerning O. O. Mclntyre. . . .
White I cannot comment on the reaction of New Yorkers to his column, I will conscientiously state that the lucidity of his reactions and his analysis and understanding of human nature are superb. If he has a fondness for loud clothes, he also faithfully observes what is currently deemed to be good taste in dress and offers his readers many valuable suggestions. . . .
FRANCIS J. DAILY
Chicago, Ill.
Palaver
Sirs:
I gather from your excellent article that Stroller Mclntyre is not only a copy cat but has the unusual ability to Major Hoopleize a peaceful snooze in the park into a regular Battle of Bull Run.
Why mention that such palaver retails at $2,000 per week? There ought to be a law!
JAMES B. EMERSON
Omaha, Neb.
Libeled Dog
Sirs:
If one shrugged when other news publications erred, one would soon be musclebound: but when TIME makes a blunder it is as if Emily Post should suck her soup. That O. O. Mclntyre should play copycat to Christopher Morley is only an oddity: but that he or TIME [July 8] should libel his helpless dog by calling it a Boston bull displays, if not malice, then ignorance.
The locution Boston bull to denote a Boston terrier irritates a dog man like ants in his armor. There is not, was not and has never been a breed of dogs rightly called Boston bull, although an illiterate public persists in applying that name to the Boston terrier, just as the same public for some unaccountable reason calls a cocker spaniel, a cockerel spaniel. Per-haps it thinks one bovine and the other galline. . . .
My florist has a standing order for orchids to TIME every week, but one more error about dogs (Do your worst with whatever else you will!), and I shall cancel it.
KYLE ONSTOTT
Licensed Judge of Dogs American -& Canadian Kennel Clubs Pasadena, Calif.
Prospect
Sirs:
"TIME brings all things?" That remains to be seen. TIME has brought me enlightenment and many pleasant hours by the fireside. It has brought me everything that could be expected of a magazine. But it has never brought me an order for a spot welder--and that's something very close to my heart for it means both food and raiment. I have not given up hope, however, for your issue of July 8 dumps a prospect right into my lap ... the Ossining gentleman who makes the snake trap and the mouse trap to catch the mouse to catch the snake with.
We make the finest little spot welders in the world (something else that America has to boast about) and if Mr. Merkl really wants to go into mass production of snake traps, we can fix him up so that he'll make Henry Ford look like a piker. And ... if he wishes to further extend his inventive genius to elephant snares, our special elephant trap welders make welds unconditionally guaranteed to discourage the attempt of the orneriest pachyderm to "walk away mil."
So let the Ossining lamenter no longer lament, for in today's mail, thanks to TIME, we are sending him a wad of literature on Taylor- Winfield welders. WALTER ANDERSON Vice Pres. in Charge of Sales Taylor-Winfield Corp. Detroit, Mich.
Dell's Huff Sirs:
In your music notes in the July 8 issue you published some statements concerning the concerts of The Philadelphia Orchestra at Robin Hood Dell which are incorrect as to facts and which are susceptible of serious misinterpretation.
You state: "Since no manager would touch it this year, the orchestra men appointed a committee of their own, etc."
This appears to be a direct reflection upon the management of the concert series by Mr. William K. Huff. So far from being true that no manager would touch it, the Orchestra Committee received and considered numerous applications by well-known managers for the position. When it was ascertained that the services of Mr. Huff would be available, the Committee hastened to take advantage of that opportunity. Mr. Huff is very well known. He has been for 15 years Executive Director of The Philadelphia Forum, and has managed its affairs with conspicuous success. . . .
ALEXANDER ZENKER Chairman
Robin Hood Dell Concerts Philadelphia, Pa.
More Brandts
Sirs:
Your "High Haste, Low Speed" article, July 8, most enlightening. See if you can ascertain for me when we may expect the President's Press Bootlicking Club to muster up enough Brandts to return this once honorable conclave of reporters to their own papers and us: When we may expect the slogan of "Mr. President, may I please print this" to be changed to "Mr. President, every reader of my newspaper expects me to do my duty, I'm 'on the record' now, not 'off,' shoot." Give us more Brandts. H. L. FERGUSON
Huntington Park, Calif.
Lyons' Team
Sirs:
At twelve noon July 5 I came to our home and at 12:02 I picked up TIME. I proceeded to read the article under "Australia." I came to the paragraph which reads "Meanwhile plump but not fat Mrs. Lyons, who does not look as if she had borne the eleven children her husband calls 'our cricket team,' moved not without mild social success. . . ." On the same page is a picture of the family but only ten children appear.
Now it may be some calamity has happened to that family and I should not write this, but if so I think you should have inserted a footnote for the benefit of an observing old cuss like me.
C. B. HALL
Glens Falls, X. Y.
Let Old Cuss Hall cease worrying about the Lyons children. Missing from the group picture, taken in 1932, is Janice Mary, born in December 1933.--ED.
Washington's Crews
Sirs:
I believe that all rowing enthusiasts, and especially Washingtonians, resent the fact that in your report of the Poughkeepsie Regatta [TIME, July 1] you failed to mention the fact that Washington won both the Freshman and the Junior Varsity races.
Inasmuch as you reported, in detail, all three races of the Yale-Harvard Regatta and as you stated the general opinion that neither of these boats could have possibly hoped to win in the major regatta for college crews at Poughkeepsie. we in the West feel this an injustice to the three fine crews sent from the University of Washington.
R. F. JACKSON Seattle, Wash.
Augusta Researchers
Sirs:
Your account in TIME, July 8 of "Blood Gauge" erroneously stated that Dr. William Ferguson Hamilton & Dr. Robert A. Woodbury are of Athens, Ga. These researchers are respectively professor and assistant professor of physiology and pharmacology in the University of Georgia School of Medicine in Augusta, founded 1829. Many of the schools of the University of Georgia are in Athens, where the parent university was founded in 1785 (the oldest State university), though of course the School of Technology is in Atlanta. . . .
G. LOMBARD KELLY, M. D.
Vice Dean, Professor of Anatomy University of Georgia School of Medicine Augusta, Ga.
Goyishe Kop
Sirs:
To whoever was responsible for the account of the Central Conference of American Rabbis [TIME, July 8], TIME-reader Fern Pels (who, incidentally, speaks a slick Yiddish) would like to point out one refreshingly asinine mistake.
This is what was printed in the story: "To the conference members who, wearing no such beards of yarmulki as do their Orthodox brothers. . . ."
A beard is a beard and a yarmulki is a skullcap and you need a Jewish proofreader instead of a goyishc kop.
FERN FELS
Chicago, Ill.
-"Gentile head"--a Yiddish expression meaning dunce.--ED.
Sirs:
What you undoubtedly meant is: To the conference members, who wearing no such beards or yarmulki. . . ." Yarmulki is the Slavic for skullcap; hence your sentence conveys no sense as it stands in the original.
DR. NOAH E. ARONSTAM
Detroit, Mich.
For a garbled line, apologies.--ED.
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