Asparagus Sucker

Frantically popular is Adolf Hitler with millions of Germans but not with the aristocratic Student Korps. These correspond at German universities to the superior English youths who have been to Eton. Last week a proud array of Old Heidelberg's primest campus snobs, the Saxo-Borussian Korps, trembled before a State prosecutor who charged them with the following high misdemeanors:

Firstly, on the night of May 21, when all Saxo-Borussians should have been listening to the nationwide broadcast of Adolf Hitler's speech to the German Reichstag, they gave a champagne initiation banquet. Secondly, while the Realmleader was still uttering his two-hour discourse, they left their Korps house, proceeded with levity through the streets of Heidelberg and noisily entered a restaurant full of devout listeners to the broadcast, one Saxo-Borussian pretending to use a champagne bottle as a trumpet. Thirdly, the Saxo-Borussians, amid much loud discussion, made a distinction between the correct way of eating asparagus and Adolf Hitler's way of eating asparagus.

These acts, according to the prosecutor, infringed the Saxo-Borussians' obligations toward the German people and the University of Heidelberg. Accordingly all Saxo-Borussians were ordered set back two years in their studies at Old Heidelberg, with expulsion for the ringleader who incited others to disparage Dictator Hitler's handling of asparagus.

Instead of smartly biting off the tip, or cutting it off with a knife and conveying it to his lips with a fork, Vegetarian Hitler picks up a stalk of asparagus with his fingers, inserts the tip between his lips, sucks vigorously, frequently consuming the entire stalk. Since most thrifty, common Germans, when they get a chance at asparagus, eat it in exactly this fashion, Realmleader Hitler again stood vindicated last week as "The Apotheosis of The Common Man."

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