Beldame
In Chicago, Mrs. Cruz Martinez, 108, fell asleep on her doorstep, was burned to death when her cigaret set her dress afire.
Treat
In New York, after John Wallace and George Larkin had had a few beers together, each one insisted on paying the check. John Wallace won the privilege by punching George Larkin dead.
Poet
In McAlester, Okla., John Chapman went to look at his 39 chickens, found all but a rooster and two hens stolen, and this note:
I steel from the rich, and I steel from the pore
I will leve the old roster to raze some mor.
Bronx
In The Bronx, N. Y., Helen Vatale Cerrulo quarreled with her 21-year-old husband Mike, went home to her mother. Few hours later, armed with baseball bats and pick handles, a dozen Cerrulos & friends met a dozen Vatales & friends on a vacant lot. When riot squads cleared the battlefield one Vatale henchman lay still with a fractured skull, another lay dead.
Stowaways
In Manhattan last week, the S. S. California arrived from California with two stowaways who had crouched for two days in an airshaft over the ship's boilers with the body of a comrade suffocated by the heat.
OB4
In Sharon Heights, Mass, at 4:15 one morning last week lights came on, heads popped from windows as the New York, New Haven & Hartford freight train OB4 chuffed by with a load of onions for the Boston market, its whistle going full blast all the way. Conductor D. L. Kent hurried up from the caboose, and still windows lighted, heads popped at every turn. Faster & faster went the 664--16, 17, 18 m.p.h. Her fireman shoveled as he never had before to keep up steam pressure, for the whistle was stuck fast. At last the OB4 rolled into Boston and as drowsy stationmen clustered in wild surmise, Engineer Harry Brown climbed out, hammered shut his sticky whistle valve.
Syllogism
In Hagerstown, Md. to Magistrate Richard Sweeney police brought George Chenoweth, whom they had arrested for driving while drunk. Magistrate Sweeney pondered, announced this syllogistic decision: 1) no criminal defendant may be forced to testify against himself; 2) George Chenoweth is so obviously drunk that simply by keeping him in the room the court is forcing him to testify against himself; 3) therefore, George Chenoweth must be discharged.
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