Hussies & Pillage

Not pangs of hunger but a will to have nice things prompted 10,000 New Zealanders to stage a demonstration which became a series of bloody riots in Auckland last week. Time after time the mob swept down Queen Street, smashing the windows of smart shops right & left, seized $350,000 worth of nice things.

"Never in all New Zealand has such a thing happened before!" puffed the Mayor of Auckland after 48 hours of civic chaos. "If things go on like this I shall positively be obliged to read the Riot Act!"

Young women of the most brazen sort, Auckland reporters agreed, were ringleaders in turning an orderly procession of jobless men down Queen Street into a wild scramble of pillage. One of the hussies wore a sweater--the reporters were sure. Beyond that they only knew that the young women placed themselves unexpectedly at the head of the procession and began throwing stones into the window of a jewelry store. Four hussies were seen to escape with skirtsful of jewelry down a side street. By that time their feminine example had spurred the men to some really heavy looting. Auckland police, who have had no practice on mobs, made awkward efforts to clear Queen Street, but the first riot lasted four hours.

Up from the waterfront came at last British bluejackets from the British ex-cruiser H. M. S. Philomel, launched in 1890, rated today as a training ship. With these sailors guarding Queen Street, confident New Zealand insurance men wrote policies covering glass not yet broken at premiums only 50% above normal, but charged for new fire & theft policies 1,000% above the old rate. That night Auckland went quietly to bed and next clay Premier Forbes soothed New Zealand's House of Representatives at Wellington.

"My Government is fully prepared to meet eventualities," said he. "These were not food riots but the work of a criminal element. Not a single grocery store or food shop has been looted."

Shouted Laborite John Holland, "If the Government doesn't stop quibbling and help the unemployed, then what's happened so far is only the foretaste of what's going to happen!"

To keep the aftertaste from happening Auckland hastily swore in 1.200 special constables. Also two squadrons of the sharpshooting Waikato Mounted Rifles arrived with a loud clop-clopping to protect Queen Street. But suddenly on the second night the mob, swarming in from side streets, engulfed once more the inexperienced forces of Law & Order. Three more hours of rioting broke almost every Queen Street window while insurance men despaired. Even Auckland newshawks were staggered, reported that "members of the crowd cursed and swore the most fearful oaths."

When special constables, brandishing their new truncheons, closed in on a woe-begone looking man who was helping himself to purple neckties, part of the mob suddenly set up such a roar of "Leave that man alone!" that the special constables let him alone and he absconded publicly with the purple neckties.

Just about that time the Church of the Epiphany caught fire--a diversion which made every honest Aucklander's blood boil. A lifetime of good works have been modestly performed (as all Auckland knows) by the beloved Pastor of the Church of Epiphany, Rev. Jasper Coldar. To the flaming church rushed every Auckland fire fighter, amateur and professional. Encouraged by Rev. Jasper Coldar they put most of his church out. Meanwhile the Mayor of Auckland announced a total of 300 arrested persons, 130 wounded and $500,000 loss, and hurled his threat to "read the Riot Act."*

Bledisoe. Not the least perturbed by all these incidents was Lord Bledisoe, the Governor General of New Zealand. While Auckland's rioters were doing their worst, Lord Bledisoe calmly observed at Wellington, "It seems to me that I should accept a further diminution of my official honorarium, a diminution which would reduce the original sum of -L-7.500 by 45%. But I must stipulate that this diminution is not to apply to my successor. I also wish to say that I personally will not demur if one of the two official residences of the Governor General of New Zealand should be closed on the principle that such action is deemed to be in the interest of economy."

New Zealand, consisting chiefly of "North Island" and "South Island" (plus numerous small islands) was not occupied in Queen Victoria's name until a good many years after bold Englishmen had colonized it--not indeed until 1840 when Her Young Majesty received secret information that unless the British Navy acted quickly King Louis Philippe of France would snatch it first.

Australians, whose continent is roughly the size of the U. S., affect a superior attitude toward New Zealand (which is only about the size of the British Isles), call it "Wobbly" because New Zealand has splendid hot springs, active volcanoes, frequent earth tremors.*

Chief New Zealand imports are motor cars & parts, mineral oils and store clothes; chief exports are butter, meat and wool. Thus Wobbly is primarily a ranching country and Wobblies are rightly proud of New Zealand white man's record of prospering without injury to his brown brother. In New Zealand and in New Zealand alone the Polynesian race is not dying out but slowly, steadily growing in numbers. The whole Dominion holds less than 1,500,000 human souls, less than one-fourth the population of New York City.

Proud of their valiant War record, New Zealanders boast that of the 84,000 men they sent to Gallipoli, the Western Front and Palestine only 341 submitted to being captured. 17.000 met death, 50,000 were wounded.

*Text as read in Great Britain, preferably after a flourish of trumpets: "Our Sovereign Lord the King chargeth and commandeth all persons being assembled immediately to disperse themselves, and peaceably to depart to their habitations, or to their lawful business, upon the pains contained in an act of King George [I] for preventing tumult and riotous assembly.--God save the King."

Should the official reading of the Riot Act omit the words "God save the King" through forgetfulness or evil intent, the Riot Act is then of no legal effect and must be read again properly.

*Worst recent earthquake: Napier in February 1931, when every stone building in the city was shaken down, streams altered their courses along 80 miles of countryside, and land rose in some places as much as 50 feet.

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