Slippery Deutschland

Nobody is more punctilious than a punctilious German. For civilians last week formal morning clothes and high hats were absolutely de rigueur at the launching of the new German super-cruiser or "pocket dreadnought" Deutschland. To the christening of this ship, not by a woman but by President Paul Ludwig Hans von Beneckendorf und von HINDENBURG himself, 56,000 persons had been invited and held 56,000 cards of admission.

The President in Feldmarschal's uniform and spiked helmet, Chancellor Heinrich Bruening in his high hat. Defense Minister Wilhelm Groener in his high hat et omnes in their high hats were presently in position. A glorious sun beamed on Kiel. In the harbor a short distance away the entire German home fleet (27 ships) was drawn up ready to blaze a 21-gun salute. No one was supposed to know that the new ship would be christened Deutschland--named after the beloved Fatherland by HINDENBURG. Officially the sleek, rivetless war-boat, cunningly welded together by German genius out of lightest, strongest materials, was just Cruiser A.

Minutes ticked on and on. The christening was to be at high noon. It was 11:52, then 11:53. Chancellor Bruning had just got to the part of his speech about the League of Nations and taken a long breath. It was 11:54 when crack--something gave way!

Without anyone's having done anything Cruiser A began to slide down the ways--nameless. It was time for HINDENBURG to seize that bottle of wine and hurl it with all his strength, hoping to hit-christen the now fast moving Cruiser A.

President von Hindenburg is 83 years old. Such men do not throw bottles with all their strength. By the time Cruiser A was about one-third into the water, President von Hindenburg cried out, "Deutschland be thy name!"

Next, although the Deutschland was where she was, President von Hindenburg produced and read his christening address. "And now glide down into your element and join the ocean!" read HINDENBURG, a hero so great that no one snickered. "Do your duty there! May it be to give proof of German work and German efficiency and to protect the Fatherland. Always keep your flag clean and high in honor! Then you will be worthy of the name which I give you--Deutschland."

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