Like a Lord

The House of Lords learned, last week, from Baron Gorell how to "gazoomph a sarker," "noise the edge," and "sling a gee." This information was imparted by the Noble Lord, after he had spent a month in English provincial towns, spying and eavesdropping upon the uncouth persons who hold bogus auctions.

"They call the auctioneer a 'ham-merer,' " said Baron Gorell, "and his confederates are known as 'ricks.'

"When the 'ricks' find a 'sarker' or victim with money/-, it 'becomes the object of the 'hammerer' to 'gazoomph' him; and this or any swindle is known as 'slinging a gee.'

"Should an objector make trouble, the next move is 'smitzing the bogey to hinten' and 'noising the edge,' two procedures calculated to discomfit the objector and distract attention from him."

Having scattered these pearls of English vernacular before their Lordships, Baron Gorell announced that he is drafting a bill "to prohibit mock or bogus auctions" As an afterthought he added that "deuce phunt" means -L-2.

Versatile Lord Gorell is the author of Babes in the African Wood, Rosamund and Plush. He was Under-Secretary for Air (1921-22), and President of the National Council for Combating Venereal Diseases (1920-22). While thus employed he composed Love Triumphant, and other poems. Seven years ago he married, and two years ago, at 43, begot his only son and heir, the Hon. Timothy John Radcliffe Barnes-a lusty infant said to prefer a dash of sugar in his milk.

/-the U. S. "sucker."