Funny Neely

The Senators bore each other so much of the time that the few humorists among them find it easy to raise a laugh, once they put their minds to it. Last week, Matthew Mansfield Neely, the handsome senior Senator from West Virginia, put his mind on Candidate Hoover's reply to Senator Borah's questionnaire on Prohibition (TIME, March 5) and spoke for the space of four columns in the Congressional Record. So successfully did this speech go off that, afterwards, Senator Neely felt justified in editing the parenthesis [Laughter] into the Congressional Record no less than 13 times.

Some Neelyisms:

"Mr. President, Mr. Hoover in this letter to Senator Borah reaches the sublimest height of epistolary humbuggery ever attained by man. [Laughter.]"

"When Mr. Hoover dictated this meaningless epistle he was evidently as irritable and belligerent as Thrasymachus was when, because of his inability to answer questions propounded by Socrates, he ill-naturedly accused the great philosopher of having 'a stuffed nose' and of not having used his handkerchief as frequently as decency demanded. [Laughter.]"

"He [Mr. Hoover] is more exasperatingly evasive than the wicked wag whose sobbing young wife, when asked the cause of her grief, replied: 'Every time I asked my husband if he likes my biscuits he tells me that I have beautiful eyes.' [Laughter.]"

"Let Mr. Borah add: 'Herbert, so far you have ignored this question. If you do not immediately answer it "yes" or "no," the righteous wrath of vast multitudes of voters will wax hot against you and, like a great conflagration, consume you and your vaulting ambition on the floor of the Kansas City convention.' [Laughter.]"

"Mr. Hoover has spoken, or, rather, written 'into the air.' His trumpet has given an uncertain sound, a mere ambiguous squeak. [Laughter.]"

"To Mr. Hoover's effort to obtain a political delegation from the Vice President's Blue Heaven let us be as indifferent as the backwoodsman who, when urged to run to his cabin where a panther was fighting his mother-in-law, retorted, 'Why should I care what happens to a panther?' [Laughter.]"

"An appropriate epitaph for Mr. Hoover at the conclusion of his race in the State of Illinois:

"Here lies the body of Mary Ann Proctor,

"Who caught a cold and refused to doctor;

"She could not stay, she had to go--

"Praise God from whom all blessings flow. [Laughter.]"